Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Today is all we have

   I recently quit my job. Go me! Probably not the smartest thing I've ever done but I did it. I worked for the same company for almost 9 years, in dog years I should be retired. I loved my job for a long time and then I realized one day that I didn't anymore.

  I still went in everyday, did my job, like always, but something was missing. Passion, drive, fire, whatever you want to call it, was gone.

  I tried to get it back but the reality is, once it's gone, it's time to move on. I had a boss once who told me there are two kinds of people who quit jobs, those who quit and leave, and those who quit and stay. I didn't want to be a staying quitter.

  Now I've known myself for a long time and one thing I know is that I like security. Why would I leave a perfectly good job for another one that might not be as good? I talked about leaving for over a year, I searched for jobs, even went on a few interviews but always found a reason to stay.

  The reason was security. So what if I'm not passionate about this anymore, the bills are being paid so keep on keeping on, don't rock the boat, sit down and shut up. So I quit my job.

  I knew in order to make a change I would have to force my hand. Now I have to find another job, I have to start over somewhere new, and maybe it won't work out, but  maybe it will.

   After I gave my notice one of my coworkers was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She was 32. One of the last conversations I had with her she apologized for missing so much work. Her cancer was diagnosed on May 13th, she had surgery to remove a mass on May 18th, she was sent home on hospice on May 26th and passed away on June 2nd.

   At work we talked about what we could do for her and her family. As much as I wanted the opportunity to see her one last time, I didn't go. I thought, if I knew death was coming I would not want to spend one second with anyone but those I love.

   You know what? Death is coming. Maybe not as quickly as it did for my friend but we still have a finite number of days. I don't want to give those away.

   I will find another job, and I'll be good at it but because of my sweet friend I will remember what is really important. I will spend time with the people I love, do things that bring me joy, give to everyone I possibly can, and truly be present in my life.

   I hope that April's death reminds everyone that all we have is today, so make it everything you can.

4 comments:

  1. Oh I so get this Carol. I am a firm believer in that if you aren't challenged or happy enough at your job, find one that makes you feel that way. I always loved going to work and when the day came that I dreaded it, I moved on. Good for you for doing this. It takes guts!!

    As for your friend, I'm so sorry to hear. So quick too. It is true that we need to "live" and enjoy each day. Death is part of living! Great post! Hugs XX

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    1. Thanks Barb, its still a little unbelievable that she is gone. As for the job, I just keep saying- what's the worst that can happen!

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  2. Oh wow. Good luck on the job hunt; and yes, I believe you will find something that you love.

    So sorry to hear about your friend. It's hard, I know.

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    1. Thanks, it is hard. I'm sure I'll find something I love and you will find something you love :)

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