Tuesday, November 10, 2015

I want what I want!

I've done it again, unintentionally spread myself too thin. When I left my job in May it was because I felt there hasdto be something more. I didn't know what that more was but I knew it had to be out there. I was tired of living for my job and not actually living.

Fast forward five months and I'm doing it again. Not that I'm living for a job but I'm living for making a living. I waitress, I drive for Uber, I do network marketing, affiliate marketing, I'm writing, trying to blog. Everything but living.

That ends today. Today I spent some time in my head and picked the things I need to do to pay the bills, but also bring me joy, and two things I love. Those are the only things I will be focusing on.

Surprisingly I really love waiting tables. I didn't think I would and at first I hated it. I wasn't good at, I didn't feel strong enough to lift those trays, I couldn't remember anything and my glasses were always falling off of my head. Now, three months later, I love it. My glasses still fall and I still can't remember shit but I have a note pad and I can buy those little things to hang my glasses around my neck.

The women I work with are hysterical. These are not women I would have known otherwise. We don't have the same friends, hang out at the same places or have any similarities in our histories. But they make me laugh and they talk so much shit about each other but they are the first ones to show up if someone needs something. So the waitressing job stays. Actually the politically correct term is server but I think we are all our own version of Flo, snapping our gum and saying "Kiss my grits".

I will also continue to Uber. I was scared to death at first but now after about a month, I love it. I've met the most interesting people and it has overall been a very positive experience.

Now for the things I love. I will write, Every day. It is what I need to do, it's what I want to do. If no one ever reads it, that's ok. I write for me.

I also love to create. Sewing, painting, creating something out of nothing. I will continue to do that because it makes me so happy.

Other than that I will love on that cute little man in my life, spend time with the best daughter ever and finally have time for the other people I love.

I am giving up my house, moving to a tiny apartment and I'm so excited about that I can't even begin to explain it. Finally, I will have time to be who I was born to be, and I'll remind myself every day that life is meant for living.

There are no prizes at the end for those who die with the most money, so why sacrifice your life chasing it? I would much rather have the joy that comes with slowing down to really notice my life and be present for the people in it.

I don't need a bigger house, a newer car, a larger TV. I need hugs from my daughter and sloppy kisses from my grandson. Laughs with my sisters and best friend. Phone calls from my Momma. Those are the things I want. Now I'm going to focus on getting what I want.

And because no post feels complete without sharing this cutie, here's a recent picture in his little bomber jacket. Could you just die?

Monday, October 19, 2015

Everything changes

Now I understand why everyone says if they had known grandchildren were so much fun, they would have had them first! Isn't he the cutest thing?I just can't get enough of that face, he is so silly and happy that he makes me happy!

 I haven't been blogging much, mostly because every single blog would be a raving review of my grandson and really, ain't nobody got time for that!

My daughter is getting ready to leave the nest. Hailey has found an apartment that she can afford and is getting everything ready to go. My girl has really surprised me by being thrifty and creative when it comes to personalizing the things she will have in her new home. I hope to have some pictures on here of some of the things she has done.

I'm having mixed feelings about this. What am I gonna do with all my free time now? Who is going to sing Itsy Bitsy Spider with me and laugh like it's the funniest thing he's ever heard? I am also fiercely proud of my little girl. It's hard to be a single momma but she is rocking it.

Hailey works every day and takes tremendous care of Bubba. I am so proud of her for standing on her own two feet and working hard to create a wonderful life for her son.

As for me, well, it's time for some changes here as well. I've been piecing together an income since I left my job in May and I have to say, while it is not without it's difficulties, it is amazingly freeing.

I feel like I'm retired. I don't set an alarm in the morning and I pretty much get to do what I want, most of the time.

The biggest change is that it is time to let go of this house. I was so determined to have a home for Hailey, and I did that, so it is still something I'm proud of, but I no longer need it. This house is much too large for just me and the maintenance is killing me.

My water main has had to be fixed three times since July. Of course, my homeowners insurance didn't cover any of it. I am so fortunate to have some of the best friends in the world who have given up their free time to make sure I have running water.

So, it's time to let this particular dream go and move on to the next one. I'm ready to travel a bit, see some new places and meet some new people.

I'm also hoping to get my blogging mojo back for good. We'll see.

I'm off to pack some boxes and dream about what comes next.

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Can a house really hate a person?

I truly think my house hates me. Just when I think everything is going ok, my house decides that maybe I'm having a little too much fun!

 In July the water main between my house and the street started leaking, of course it was on my side of the water meter so it was my problem. You may remember that I quit my job in May so that was a little stressful. $600 later, it's fixed.

 We had some really high winds a few months ago and my fence developed a lean. Not being well versed in fence repair I did what any self respecting redneck would do- I took some clothesline and tied that fence to a tree.

 I kept meaning to find a more permanent solution, even going as far as to buy some concrete. But, as happens frequently, I forgot about my leaning fence and went about my life.

Last night the damn rope broke so when I woke up this morning the entire fence was leaning waaaaay over into my neighbors yard.

So, at 8am this morning I was digging holes and mixing cement. I have no idea if I did it right, I didn't have any braces so I had to use shelf brackets and more rope. That damn fence is tied to everything that is nailed down.

It's rained most of the day so I have no idea how that will affect my newly supported fence posts. I guess the concrete will dry out eventually. In the meantime my backyard is an obstacle course with all the rope tied to everything.  It's gonna make it really hard to mow!

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Time flies and hair grows

  I can't believe it's already September. Where has the time gone? I thought time flew by when Hailey was a baby but now that Bubba has joined the family, time is speeding by even faster.

My grandson has an incredible head of hair. All those curls! His Momma was determined not to cut it until he was at least two. She loved the curls, even if people did frequently think he was a girl.

One day last week this little guy came up to his mother, pulled his hair and said "Cut, please" then signed thank you and went back to playing.

Hailey laughed for a minute but he was serious and kept waving to everyone and trying to get his mother to leave.

His dad and I met them at the salon and he climbed up in the chair and sat perfectly still while he got his hair cut.

This kid has no fear, although his momma cried.

 And suddenly, a little boy lives in our house. What the hell.

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

The age of change

  No, I'm not talking about menopause, not this time anyway. I'm talking about this time in my life when nothing seems to be what I need anymore.

  My job, my house, everything seems like a bad fit. So I'm changing it up. The same thing is happening to one of my friends who is just a few years younger than I am so I'm chalking it up to age.

  Is it because I'm still single? Is that causing the unsettled feeling? I still date occasionally but usually as soon as I do I am almost instantly reminded why dating is a bad idea.

  I'm busily looking for a job even though the thought of being stuck in a cubicle again makes me want to gag, I know I need an income. There are no rich relatives in my family tree.

  I want to sell my house, I want to ride my bike every day, I want to visit with friends, I want to write, I want to watch the sun rise and set, I want to listen to my grandson laugh. None of those things involve marketable skills.

  I'm trying to find ways to create an income without sacrificing my life to a cubicle again. I'm pretty determined so I have no doubt I'll succeed, the question isn't if, it's when. How long will it take to replace my income.

   I'll have to work for a while, I don't like it but it's the reality. The mortgage company doesn't want to hear that I just don't feel like working anymore.

  Being off for the last month has reminded me how much I've been missing. I don't want to wait until I'm 65 or 70 and can retire to really live my life. I want to live it now, while I can enjoy it. Before that aches and pains and worries that I'm sure are coming have taken over.

  I'm not sure what the point of this post was but once again, it was in my head so here you go!


Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Living a life of leisure

 I may have mentioned that I quit my job. That was over a month ago so it's time to get serious about finding a new one. I've been looking, have even gone on a few interviews but so far, the one I want hasn't called and the one that has made an offer was way too low.

 I have two more interviews scheduled for this week so I'm sure something will turn up. In the meantime I'm trying to find my passion. Me and everyone else I think!

  I have a few books that I've been working on for years so I want to finish at least one of those and I'm working on making this blog into a book. I think it will be funny, we shall see!

  My biggest problem is procrastination. I thought that once I was home all day I would get so much done. I was going to be super productive!

  Then I remembered that home or in the office, I'm still me, so most days I do a whole lotta nothing! Like today. I had a job interview at 10:30 and then I went to Savers, and walked around for two hours!

  I did clean the basement so that's something. Of course, cleaning my basement won't pay the bills but it does give me a nice, organized space for sewing something,

  Just as soon as I get the motivation. In the meantime, I should weed the vegetable garden.

Monday, July 6, 2015

Just a good ole boy

   I have been seriously neglecting my blog. I'm sure all two of my followers are soooo disappointed. As usual, I have much to say but it just won't come out in any way that makes sense!

  So today I thought I would introduce you to the man in my life. I think he is pretty spectacular, he has the best smile and a beautiful head of hair. He's so pretty, he could be a girl, but he's not.

  His Momma picked the most beautiful name for him but to respect their privacy I'm just going to use his family name, Bubba. Seems that all the boys in our family are Bubba's. Not sure how that happened out here in sunny Utah!

  So here he is! This beautiful boy turned one in April and oh the joy he has brought into my life. My two favorite people on the planet in this one picture! Mo and Bubba, seems fitting!

Hailey used the same studio for Bubba's newborn and one year pictures. I love that they used the same chair.

And that pose with the crown? That's just a small taste of the craziness that is this boy! He definitely is a ball of energy and never stops moving. Completely different from his Momma as a baby... of course she was way too chubby to move very fast back then!

 Expect to see more of that face. Also, just to make having a grandson even better, my best friends grandson was born just six weeks after mine and they attend daycare together so we are grooming them to be crazy best friends, just like their grandmas!

Friday, June 12, 2015

I can't believe she said that!

 My baby sister married a cowboy. They make the cutest couple but anyone who knows my sister, knows she is not a farm girl. Well, she wasn't until now anyway.

  Just to let you know who my sister is here are five fun facts about the baby girl in our family.

1.  My sister has over 50 pairs of shoes.

2.  At 40+ ( I'm not giving her actual age, I'd like her to still like me) she still fits in her jeans from high school.

3. Her biggest fears are tumbleweeds and praying mantis' ( or it is manti?)

4.  When we go camping we call her Barbie, she brings all her makeup and a blow drier.

5.   My sister would never eat food from a food cart.

    Ok, so know you know a little about Angie. Yesterday she called me and said something to me I never thought I would hear.
    Angie and her husband have a little farm, pigs and chickens mostly, and lately all their momma pigs have been having babies like crazy. When their first momma pig ( Loretta )died while having babies my sister swore she wanted nothing more to do with the farm. This was about six or so months ago.

   You can imagine my surprise when she called to tell me about the momma that couldn't get the piglet out so she went to help because she has the smallest hands. Wait....what?

   That's when she said it  "Sister, I was elbow deep in a pigs vagina."

   There are no words, and every time I think of her saying that I start laughing, even in the middle of the grocery store.

    I love my sisters, they definitely keep things interesting!

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Today is all we have

   I recently quit my job. Go me! Probably not the smartest thing I've ever done but I did it. I worked for the same company for almost 9 years, in dog years I should be retired. I loved my job for a long time and then I realized one day that I didn't anymore.

  I still went in everyday, did my job, like always, but something was missing. Passion, drive, fire, whatever you want to call it, was gone.

  I tried to get it back but the reality is, once it's gone, it's time to move on. I had a boss once who told me there are two kinds of people who quit jobs, those who quit and leave, and those who quit and stay. I didn't want to be a staying quitter.

  Now I've known myself for a long time and one thing I know is that I like security. Why would I leave a perfectly good job for another one that might not be as good? I talked about leaving for over a year, I searched for jobs, even went on a few interviews but always found a reason to stay.

  The reason was security. So what if I'm not passionate about this anymore, the bills are being paid so keep on keeping on, don't rock the boat, sit down and shut up. So I quit my job.

  I knew in order to make a change I would have to force my hand. Now I have to find another job, I have to start over somewhere new, and maybe it won't work out, but  maybe it will.

   After I gave my notice one of my coworkers was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She was 32. One of the last conversations I had with her she apologized for missing so much work. Her cancer was diagnosed on May 13th, she had surgery to remove a mass on May 18th, she was sent home on hospice on May 26th and passed away on June 2nd.

   At work we talked about what we could do for her and her family. As much as I wanted the opportunity to see her one last time, I didn't go. I thought, if I knew death was coming I would not want to spend one second with anyone but those I love.

   You know what? Death is coming. Maybe not as quickly as it did for my friend but we still have a finite number of days. I don't want to give those away.

   I will find another job, and I'll be good at it but because of my sweet friend I will remember what is really important. I will spend time with the people I love, do things that bring me joy, give to everyone I possibly can, and truly be present in my life.

   I hope that April's death reminds everyone that all we have is today, so make it everything you can.

Monday, June 8, 2015

Well hello stranger

I realize that I have not written here in FOREVER and  that you may not love me anymore but I'm going to write anyway.

I've made some huge changes in my life and I need to share them. I've actually been living instead of just existing. I don't currently have a job but I'm not letting that stop me.

I've been spending my time with the people I love, doing things that I love and it feels wonderful.

I'm off to a funeral for a lovely woman who was taken much too soon. I'll write more tomorrow, in the meantime, here is a picture of my lovely world.''