Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Leave your men at home, they know not what they do
Saturday I went grocery shopping. Not a problem unless you are somewhere people are anticipating the Superbowl. Which is pretty much anywhere in the U.S. I have to say, it was not my favorite and then people started pissing me off.
First of all, men should not be allowed to grocery shop if the only time they go is when they want food for a football game. Men who are not regular shoppers don't know the rules. As a public service I'm going to list the rules, please print these out and hang them on the fridge if your husband is a once a year, football food shopper.
Rule 1: No one likes when you bring all six of your kids to the grocery store and then forget that they are with you in the rush to get the last package of cocktail wienies for your famous pigs in a blanket. Especially when one of those children has forgotten that she was recently potty trained.
Rule 2: The aisles are just wide enough for two carts to pass each other, respect oncoming traffic. I saw at least four men settle their carts against the shelves on one side and then stand in front of the shelves on the other side, oblivious to the traffic jam they created in both directions.
Rule 3: Shopping is not a contact sport. Just because we are shopping for football food does not mean it is appropriate to use your larger size to intercept the package of ribs I'm putting in my cart.
Rule 4: Stay the hell home. Your wife is perfectly capable of buying you food like she does the other 51 weeks of the year, she doesn't need your help, unless you want to start the laundry or change that baby from Rule 1.
I'm kidding, of course, but it was super annoying. I'm from Maryland and the last time I experienced this kind of crazy shopping was when they were calling for over two inches of snow. Some of the shelves where empty in the rush for football food and I'm still curious to find out what someone did with 30 boxes of brown sugar Frosted Mini Wheats, sweet tea and Ziplock bags.