Smokey: You got to be a stupid $%#$%#$%#% to get fired on your day off.
No, I didn't get fired but there's always tomorrow, right?
Seriously though, at work today we were talking about some of the people we have worked with in the past and the reasons they were "invited to be successful elsewhere." That's what my new boss says and it makes me want to karate chop his throat every time I hear it.
Without further ado, or digs at my boss, here is Thursday's you must be an idiot list.
Best Reasons Ever For Getting Fired
- Drinking cough syrup with codeine out of the bottle at your desk like it's water.
- Having the SWAT team barge in, dressed in full bullet proof gear, over something you posted to Facebook. ( Just an FYI, do not threaten the police on social media.)
- Putting things into your schedule like "2 pm, scratch my balls." ( I wish I was kidding)
- Work a second job three floors down at the same time you are working on our floor.
- Make naughty calls to your mistress that are recorded and accidentally played back when training new employees.
- Watching porn at work because you figured out how to get past the content filter but not the tracking software.
- Banging your head on your desk because you are on drugs.
- Sleeping at your desk.
- Dying. (She didn't actually get fired but her bitch of a boss wanted to fire her for not calling in until they found out she was dead)
- Eating your coworkers lunch out of the fridge, every, single day, until they catch you. ( his chosen defense? If you don't put your name on it, it's fair game)
I always wonder what these people tell their spouses when they go home, and what they say in a job interview when asked why they left their last company.