Sunday, July 22, 2012

And this is why we are friends....

My friend Rae is here visiting from Arizona. We worked together a million years ago and still stay in touch. Yesterday we had a bbq with some other women that we worked with, it was so nice to see everyone.

One of the ladies that I invited, Paulette, was late. I was a little worried because she didn't have my number in case she got lost. We were all having a great time visiting so I kind of forgot about her.

 A little while later there's a knock on the door, it's Paulette. I gave her a hug and told her I thought she was lost. She said, "I've been sitting in your neighbors kitchen for fifteen minutes waiting for you to get home."

It seems Paulette went to the house directly across the street from mine. She knocked on the door several times but no one answered. Finally, she went around to the back of the house and the door was open so she went in and had a seat. She wondered why I didn't have anything ready yet.

Paulette was just about to open the fridge and see if I had any beer when the man who lives there walked in the kitchen. She scared the shit out of him. He pointed her in the right direction and she came over.

After telling us the story she said, "His name is James, he's kind of cute and I think he's single."

And that is why these women are my friends.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

I know how to pick 'em

Why do I always agree to go out with the wrong guys? Sure they seem normal at the time....

Sunday Hailey had my car and I walked over to her house to get it. On the way, a guy on a motorcycle stopped  talk to me. He wound up giving me his number and saying  he would like to take me out to dinner sometime.

So, like an idiot,  I sent him a text and we were supposed to go out to dinner tonight. We were meeting at 7 and I had a long day at work, I actually had to work overtime.

Anyway, when I got home I sent him a text to confirm. No reply, so I didn't get ready, instead I finished shaving the dog.

At 7:15 I get a text:

"Sorry baby, still at work"


First of all, don't call me baby, bitch. I'm not your baby and you just stood me up. It doesn't matter that I didn't show up either, I tried to contact him.

The picture on this post is not him, but it is how I shall remember him from now on. Never trust a guy on a motorcycle in  parking lot on Sunday. Come to think of it, all the stores were closed, what was he doing there?

Sunday, July 15, 2012

I don't have ADD, no really, I'm just thinking about Channing Tatum

Lately I've been a little depressed. Not horribly depressed, just kind of in a funk. I think sometimes things combine to make a perfect storm and kick my ass for a while.

The past year has been.....interesting, challenging, crazy.

I'm still not quite adjusted to this empty nest thing so between that and some financial issues brought on by some pay cuts, I've just been coasting.

I haven't really been involved in my life, I just kind of exist. Go to work, come home, read, go to sleep, and do it all again tomorrow.

Time for that shit to stop. It is time that I become actively engaged in my life again, this weekend was a pretty good start.

I took Hailey to see Magic Mike Friday, let me just say, Matthew who? Poor Mr. McConaughey cannot hold a candle to the beauty that is Channing Tatum. I want to eat that boy with a spoon. Anyway, the movie wasn't very good but I'd sit through nails on a chalkboard to see that ass again.

Saturday I started on some baby gifts I need to finish. I'm surrounded by babies. There are three little boys going to be born into my family in the next two months, two of them by the end of this month.

So, I made shower gifts, diaper tricycles and quilts. Then I went out with Tree, Clay and Tree's cousin Marylyn. We had a blast, danced all night, and  met a leprechaun in pink fedora who was born on the boat from Sicily to Kansas. Exactly. No one is drunk enough to believe you took a boat to Kansas.

Today, I finished the shower gifts and I'm going to go play pool. There is some re carpeting in my future because my dog thinks the carpet is her personal potty.

All in all a pretty busy start to getting back to my life. It feels good.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

My New Car

Just kidding, it's someone's pride and joy but not mine.

You know, as crazy as my neighbors make me, today, I’m thankful it’s not worse.

I recently saw this car driving around town. Just in case you think someone punked this lady, let me tell you , all this stuff is glued on this car. It’s insane. Make the pictures as large as you can so you can see all the wonderful treasures she has collected.

There is a piggy bank, some Buddah’s, a one dollar bill in plexiglass, a Nativity set, a huge nylon butterfly, a snowman, solar lanterns and candles, not to mention all the plants. The inside of the car is just as bad and when I ran into this lady in the Dollar Store, there was no doubt she was the owner of this beautiful vehicle.

I can only imagine what her yard looks like, and how annoying it would be to have her as a neighbor.

Monday, July 9, 2012

There goes the neighborhood.....

Notice the plywood covering the garage door

Well hello there, nice of you to come back since I’ve been severely neglecting my blog. I promise to do better, whatever that means.

Lots of stuff going on in my world, I bought a new car, my daughter and son in law are crazy and the dog keeps peeing on the floor. But enough about me, this is about my neighbors.

I wrote a post about them before, you can read it here, and just in case you think it’s gotten better, I’m here to tell you, the freaks are multiplying.

The house next door is a tiny three bedroom split level and there are at least eight adults and three kids living in there. The exact count is up in the air because I never see the same people twice.

They also have a camper in the backyard where a man and a woman live with an infant. Like I said, they keep multiplying.

I love kids, I really do. These kids next door make me want to send all children to reform school. They play in the street constantly, and use my driveway as a ramp. I don’t really mind, except when I come home at ten at night and my driveway is full of their toys. So full I have to park the car in the street so I can move the toys and pull in the garage. I know, it’s a pain in the ass, but not the end of the world.

Next they picked every single flower in my front flower bed. All the roses, daisies, African daisies, columbine, if it bloomed, they picked it. Needless to say I was pissed, especially since I already talked to them about it. I would talk to their parents but I’m not sure who they are.

Friday I was cleaning my car so I could trade it in and the kids are playing in my driveway and begging me to let them have all of Ivy’s toys when the boy across the street pulls in on his little motorcycle and a girl pulls in behind him on a scooter. This was a new development because I thought he was gay, not that I care, but the girl was a new twist.

Anyway, the kids all run over to them and start talking. At first it’s very innocent, “I really like your motorcycle,” and that kind of thing.

Then one of the little girls, the four year old, asked this young girl if she was going to have sex with the neighbor boy. I thought the poor girl was going to die. It went on and on, with the little kids telling her to just take off her clothes and have sex, they do it all the time.

The girl on the scooter just stood there, I think she was in shock. I finally looked over to the neighbors house where yet another person I had never seen was sitting on the porch. I asked her if she could hear the kids and then told her what they were saying.

I don’t even know what to say about this. I would like to talk to them and get them to clean things up a little but I overheard one of the guys in the back yard say “when I was in prison” in a conversation and that pretty much killed my need to confront them.

Also, there’s a weird guy over there who talks to God and waters the fence, yes the fence, not the yard because that is dead from the dogs that are running around over there.

 What do you think are the chances I could sell this house without the new owners noticing the neighbors?

A portacrib, and outhouse and a weight bench

Yes, those are actual pictures of my neighbors yard. Notice the portable crib in the backyard? Guess there’s no room in the trailer.