I always read the news online and recently there was a story with the headline, “Federal Bill Would Give Nations Hens Bigger Cages.” I read it wrong, I thought it said teens, not hens.
First I was mad, if I had known I could have kept Hailey in a cage all this time, a whole lotta shit would have been different. I started daydreaming about how I could have put bars all around the basement, she would have had a large cage, with it's own bathroom.
Then, because my mind has a mind of it's own, I started thinking about how we could decorate the cage to make it more homey. I also thought about how much money I would have saved if I kept her in a cage. No second car, no school dances, no expensive jeans that everyone else is wearing and that purse that cost me $100, that wouldn’t have happened.
Then I read the headline again and was disappointed, I thought we were on to something there. We could probably even fix the mortgage crisis if more people could keep their teenagers in cages instead of letting them hang out with other kids. Teenagers are expensive, and in a flock, they are much more trouble than hens.
Not that I would ever put my child in a cage. I mean other people, people who's teenagers aren't perfect like mine. Oh, just nevermind.