Friday, October 28, 2011

National Novel Writing Month- better known as what the hell was I thinking November

It’s that time of year again. November is National Novel Writing Month, last year I participated. 

This year I was going to skip it but then I read a blog that made me feel guilty for wanting to skip it but I was still hedging and then I got a really good idea. ( I hope)

 So here we go again. I’m trying not to freak myself out but last year I wasn’t even able to keep up with this blog and this year I have five other blogs that I write in addition to this one, blogs that people pay me to write.  And I am thinking about starting another blog,  a personal blog about green living. And I have a full time job. 

So, I’m gonna do the best I can with this blog, cause obviously y’all will live without me if I don’t blog regularly. I will still be writing and crafting for Families.com, and I will be writing 1667 words a day for the novel that will allow me to quit that full time job and do what I love, which is write.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.  Remember, it’s my world, so please support my delusions and send all your happy thoughts to my novel. I promise to remember all of your when I'm rich and famous, after all, someone will have to bring me wine and bon bons.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Can't leave well enough alone can I?

I must be bored. I'm messing with my blog design. I see such pretty blogs all the time and because I'm pretty computer illiterate I'm stuck with all that Blogger has to offer.

It's time to change things up, add some things I've been wanting to add, but what I'm really doing is procrastinating.

For a while now I've wanted to start a green blog, and possibly a craft blog, but that might be later. But the green thing, I know I should be doing more. I know I should be consuming less. So I've been toying with the idea of writing a blog about my quest to become green.

So, messing with this blog is a way to put that off because once I start writing it then I have to actually make some changes. Am I ready for that? Am I ready to commit in such a public way? We all know I struggle with commitment.

I'm still writing my blogs for Families.com, I enjoy it and they pay me, imaging that! But I have so much more to say, about everything.

First I need a title, I've composed the first post in my head but I can't design a blog without a title so I need your help. I have a few ideas and would love to hear your suggestions.

Does this blog make my butt look green?

Doing the green thing

Green- not just for treehuggers anymore

Am I Green?

Learning Green

Oh hell, I don't know, I have title block. Help me out here, any suggestions? Also, what do you think of the black blog?

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Dating a loser in ten easy steps


I went to coffee recently with a guy I used to date. We were talking about life and how we wound up where we are at this point in our lives. Just for the record, he was one of the nice guys, you know, the ones I have to find something wrong with because he is just not enough drama for me to date for real.

As we were drinking our coffee and discussing our mutual love lives, or lack thereof, he said something that made me shoot coffee out of my nose, “You have higher standards than most women.” I almost died laughing, has this man even met me?

Then I realized that I have a wealth of information about dating that I should not keep to myself so I was inspired to write this blog. Here, in ten simple steps, you too can date as many losers as you want. I will teach you to identify them so you can move in for the kill and make them your own. Pay attention, this is important stuff!


1. Does he have a job? If yes, kick him to the curb, in a hurry, how are you supposed to take care of him if he is gainfully employed?

2. Does he have a substance/alcohol abuse problem? It’s ok, you can help him, if you just love him enough he will give up his bad habits, remember, no one understands him like you do.

3. Does he often change plans with you at the last minute, or just forget to show up? Cut him some slack, it’s hard to walk away from those video games when you are winning.

4. Does he have a horrible relationship with his ex wife and children? It’s not his fault, she’s a crazy, evil witch who never understood him. ( See number two)

5. Does he forget things that are important to you? Like birthdays and holidays and to pick you up after work, in your car? Relax, you don’t need gifts anyway, besides, no one ever treated him well so he doesn’t know how to treat you.

6. Does he have another girlfriend? Hang in there, one day he will realize that you are the only one for him.

7. Does he live in his mother’s basement? That’s great, you can rescue him and he can live with you, then you can cook for him, clean up after him, pay his bills and do his laundry all while he wears a spot in your couch with his ass. True love just doesn't get any better than this.

8. Do you often call or text him and get no answer? For days on end? It’s not his fault, cell phone companies are real jerks, just because he didn’t pay his bill for two months is really no reason to shut off his phone. Forget the fact that if the phone is shut off it goes straight to voice mail, remember, he’s not ignoring you, he loves you.

9. Do you pay for all of your dates because he is broke? Don’t worry, sooner or later he will find a job, he just has to find a company that appreciates his special skills, and if he is working and only has money for beer and cigarettes you really should be more understanding.

10. Does he bring you flowers, take you out to dinner, compliment you, open doors for you? This guy is a loser, he’s so boring and predictable, you better break it off now before you get stuck with him.

There you have it ladies. Ten steps to help you identify the next loser you should date. If you choose to do the opposite of what I’ve outlined here don’t blame me, I tried to warn you!

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Busy, busy, busy!

Once again I've been acting like I have a life or something and not blogging. I really want blogging to be my life but sadly since all three of you who read my blog are as broke as I am, this thing ain't gonna pay the bills!

I have discovered a new love- photography and I'm not too bad at it! I've been taking a ton of pictures of everything, some good, some not so good. Thank God for digital cameras. And I've been crafting. Here is a baby blanket I made for one of my work friends.

Then I took my sister and my niece's bridal pictures. I can't show you my sisters yet because they are a surprise but here's one of my neice.

I photoshopped some pictures and made everyone I work with a zombie. Here's my boss, we hung this at the end of our cubicles as a reminder that he is always watching.


Finally, my neice got married yesterday.Here she is with her father.


That's it for now, my next blog is going to be a self help post- How To Date a Loser in Ten Steps or Less- this seems to be my area of expertise so I thought I would share it with the world.

I know you can't wait.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Wanna be my pretend boyfriend?

They’ve thought of everything. Now, if you are single and want to make people think you are in a relationship you can have a fake girlfriend. I’m not kidding, I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. I had to try it.

First I texted Hi to 212-804-6979 and immediately received a text that said, Oh hai! (o:. You are supposed to save this number in your phone under your imaginary girlfriends name, then when you are out with the boys you send a text to that number, it will text you back and then call you. I waited patiently for the call, this girl was making me look like a fool in front of the guys.



Oh wait, I’m a girl, there are no guys, this is just a test. I’m still waiting………. So while I was waiting for my amazing fake girlfriend to call me, which she never did by the way, I googled “fake girlfriend” there were 119,000,000 results- seriously??



There is even a wiki page to tell you how to create a fake girlfriend or boyfriend. Then I stumbled across a site called, interestingly enough, Imaginarygirlfriends.com, real girls, imaginary relationships. OMG!! You can even break up with her when you are done with the relationship and she will send you a letter begging you to take her back.

This is taking the imaginary friend from your childhood to a whole new level of weirdness. How are you going to bring her home to meet the family? Will she die in a tragic car accident before everyone meets her and then you won't have to date because you are in mourning?



I’m not sure why you would need this, really, what’s the point? If I have an imaginary boyfriend I need more than a few random texts, he should at least take out the trash once in a while.