Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Memories Light the Corners of my Mind
At least I think it's memories, early onset Alzheimer's doesn't come with a light does it? Anyway, we are working up to Mo's 18th birthday and there are so many stories, but you know something? It's really hard to write about the same thing for a month. Every day there are opportunities for funny posts, and every day I file them away. I should write them down, I'm going to forget and then I'll be mad. Maybe it's not Alzheimer's, just ADHD.
Back to the point of this post, and that is to share my lovely Mo with you. I just want to share some of the things I learned in the first days, weeks and months of Mo's life, things I never knew.
First I really didn't believe that you actually pushed a human being out of your body, boy was I wrong about that one! I also didn't know it could possibly be too late for an epidural.
Or that babies leaked from every opening. And that most of the time what goes in a baby comes back out in your hair, down your back, on the front of your shirt, or if you are really unlucky and the baby has really good aim, in your mouth.
Or that babies don't have eyebrows and eyelashes, but they do have lots of body hair. Baby bowel movements, or lack thereof, will consume your life. Everything really is brand new to them and everyday they discover something else.
Just because a baby cannot walk doesn't mean they can't climb stairs, and much faster than you can, while giggling wildly because they realize they have caused your heart to damn near explode.
Mostly I had no idea that the kind of love you feel for your child existed. That feeling that your heart is too big for your chest. The fear when you think they are hurt, the heartbreak when something is wrong and you can't fix it. And the sadness when you realize that once they learn to walk every step they take on the path to adulthood takes them just a little bit farther from you.
That's the way it's supposed to be, it's what we want for our children. That doesn't mean there isn't still just a tiny bit of sadness in those firsts because never again will our baby do this particular thing for the first time.
Now Mo will turn 18, something she will never do again, and we get an entirely different set of things to look forward to because youth is fleeting and life moves quickly.
Which is why I have to end this post and go find that damn light so I can figure out if this is ADHD or Alzheimer's, it will make a difference in my choice of nursing home.