Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Let's all fly to Vegas!
My sister and I headed out last week to enjoy the Vegas trip my company so graciously bestowed upon me. Mostly we were excited about the buffet. We really need to get out more.
I knew the flights were going to pose a problem, I’m scared of flying, did I mention that? Terrie kept promising me alcohol which is the only thing that kept me moving through that line like a lamb to the slaughter.
Did you know you have to take your shoes off to go through security? Yeah, me neither. Well, maybe I knew and I just forgot. Anyway I bought myself really cute strappy little sandals and Mo even painted my toes for me. My feet looked marvelous. These wonderful little strappy sandals buckled in forty-seven different places and since they were new, they were stiff. I’m doing a one legged hop through the security line trying to get my damn shoes off before they decide I’m a terrorist.
I’m very afraid they will decide I’m a terrorist and take me into an interrogation room and make me tell them everything I know. You know they never believe you when you tell them you don’t know anything so eventually I would break down and tell them what I know, and God only knows what that is! So I gotta make sure they don’t think I’m a terrorist.
It must have worked because they let me through with no problem. Now Terrie, (see the similarity to terrorist? Coincidence? I think not!) she had to go through the full body scan, and when she came out they sort of threatened her with a pat down. Terrie wasn't too worried about that but she was kinda pissed that they didn't even mention that she had a nice rack after putting her through the scan.
We finally got on the plane, I was doing some deep breathing and trying to keep my heart from exploding. After we were seated I did the responsible thing and read the little safety card in the seat pocket in front of me. Bad idea. Now I was worried that the guys sitting by the exit doors would not be any help when we crash landed in the water and I had to slide off the wing wearing my nifty little inflatable life vest.
Terrie saved the day by reminding me that we were flying from Salt Lake to Vegas so there wasn't any water. We would just slam into the ground going eleventy million miles an hour. I felt so much better about that.
The seat next to me was empty so of course, some man with no regard for my personal space sat down. He was not an overly large man but apparently he had a water buffalo in his pants that kept his legs from closing so for the entire flight his right leg was in my personal space! I was pissed, he was oblivious as he sat there looking at his girlie magazine and typing a freaking novel on his smart phone.
I continued checking out the pocket and found my barf bag. I tucked it back in the pocket because if I had to throw up it was going to be right in my neighbors lap. Bet he would move his freaking leg then!
Finally the pilot said to give me a drink so I'd shut up and I settled in quietly with my alcoholic beverage. Just think, lucky Terrie got to fly with me twice in one week.