If you are easily offended, stop reading now. Otherwise, don’t say I didn’t warn you!
Last week Joyce and I went to the local buffet for lunch, this is a weakness of ours, I mean really, who needs to eat that much food in the middle of the day? I know I don’t have to eat it all but dammit it’s a buffet! I want my money’s worth!
When we came out after stuffing ourselves we were laughing about something when this guy sitting in a little Toyota pickup truck in the Carl’s Jr drive though, caught my eye. He smiled, I smiled, he smiled, I smiled. It was cute and unusual. Joyce was laughing at me the whole time. As we back up, he waves goodbye. That did it, I had to give him my number.
Joyce thought I was crazy, she was not going to stop so I could do this. I pouted and said fine, drive away and make me miss out on the love of my life. Once she stopped I started waffling- What if he’s married? What if he thinks I’m crazy? Joyce finally said- Get out right now and give him your number or I’m gonna kick you! We have a strange and twisted relationship.
I wrote my name and number on a piece of paper, gathered my courage and jogged over to his truck. I handed him the paper, smiled and jogged back to the jeep.
When I got in the jeep I said, “I think he’s a dwarf” Now I don’t mean an actual dwarf, Joyce and I both like men over six feet tall, anyone under that is a dwarf.
“That’s why you never give your number to men trapped in small vehicles, they might be dwarfs. For all you know, he might not even have legs.” Joyce is always the optimist.
“Ok, you have to get on board with me about this, if he doesn’t call it’s because he is married, not because he doesn’t think I’m cute.”
Joyce said, “ No, if he doesn’t call it’s because he is a dwarf with no legs. He say you jogging over there on your cute legs and the thought- I’d like to be with a girl with legs, but it will never work, and that’s why he didn’t call.”
Joyce has quite the imagination and once she gets a thought in her head she can’t let it go. I’m still laughing about the legless dwarf when she comes out with this:
“ How would you do it with a dwarf, would you put him on a table behind you so he had some height?” She’s serious, she really thinks about these things. I’m laughing so hard I’m pretty sure I’m gonna pee my pants. Finally she decides-
“If he doesn’t call you it’s because he’s a legless dwarf who doesn’t want to get you from behind.”
“Can’t we just say he’s married?” I’m crying by this time.
“ No, my way is so much better Carol.”
Just for the record, he did call, and he had such a speech impediment that I couldn’t understand him. So now Joyce’s favorite story is about the time I gave my number to a legless dwarf with a speech impediment.