Sunday, October 31, 2010

More Random Everyday

Time to clear out my head and make room for my novel to take shape. This is the kind of stuff that I wonder about, not enough to keep me up at night, but still.....

Why are there always so many crumbs in the silverware tray? Who’s eating toast in there?

Why is it that the crotch of pantyhose is never remotely close to where my actual crotch is?

If I didn’t forget to let the dog out and Mo didn’t forget to let the dog out, who forgot to let the dog out?

If I’ve been INVITED to attend a Gala, why do I need to PAY $250? Am I just not understanding this whole “you’ve been invited” thing?

The longest red lights are the ones where I’m stuck next to the kid in the $50 car with the $8,000 stereo system.

Why is it, the older I get the oilier my face is, aren’t wrinkles bad enough? I gotta have an oil slick in my golden years?

Why is it humanly impossible for me to wear a white shirt to lunch and not go back to work with something spilled down the front of it?

Why is it that at 17 you are pretty sure you know everything and that your mother knows nothing? And at 46 the opposite is true, you realize you know nothing and that your mother was right about everything.

Have you ever noticed that as soon as you thank Mother Nature for the beautiful weather, she rains all over your parade?

 Ok, there's a little more room in there now, I might be ok. Tomorrow is the big day! Just think you can say you knew me when- you know, before I had a total brain explosion and had to spend the rest of my life in a padded room. See you on the other side of November.

Friday, October 29, 2010


I may have mentioned before that my friend Vicki at Glitterfrog motivated me to join NaNoWriMo. Now, I’m freaking out. 50,000 is a hell of a lot of words! I mean I can write that many words but can I write that many words, in a row, that make sense, in 30 days? Am I the only one who sees large quantities of wine in my future?

So, I want to throttle thank Vicki for motivating me to do something productive. If you are not familiar with it, NaNoWriMo is all about output. It’s a time to put aside our search for writing perfection and just get words on paper. No editing, no rewriting, just let it all out for 30 days. This is supposed to take some of the pressure to write a “perfect” novel off of us. I’m starting to get excited, even though I’m still giving Vicki a hard time for getting me into this.

I will truly be flying by the seat of my pants. Other people on the discussion boards have an outline, a title, cover art. Me, I kind of have an idea and the first sentence. The rest I will be just as surprised about as everyone else because that’s the way I write.

I once told someone that for me writing is uncontrollable compulsion to get these words off the ends of my fingers. I have no idea what a story is about until it is being written. When I write it I am also reading it for the first time. Who knows where this can take me.

I’m excited but I’m also concerned. I mean, come on, it’s freaking November! Have they forgotten that Christmas starts in November? The tree needs to go up, presents need to be wrapped, cards addressed, the house decorated. I’m getting nervous just thinking about it.

I have to be ready because I am the world’s best procrastinator. I should get a medal or something. Trust me if I can find something to do to put off writing this novel I will.

The reasons will be many:

Oh, I’ll just write a blog, just a quick, short one.- I’m writing all my November posts now to prevent this.
I need to plan Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas dinner- I’m planning all of that- right now!
The bathroom needs to be cleaned, I’ll just do that first- I’m scrubbing the house from top to bottom.
The tree needs to go up, house needs to be decorated- I’m turning that over to Mo.
Christmas cards need to be addressed- Guess what? They are addressed and even stamped!
I’m currently reading three books at once because I can’t let myself read in November or I’ll never write!
Laundry needs to be done- this one I haven’t figured out, I think there is gonna be a whole lotta naked going on in November, guess we’ll just turn the heat up.

As I discover things I know I will use to procrastinate I am trying to get them done and over with, my house is getting winterized better this year than ever, because I know, one little piece of weatherstripping can cause this whole thing to come undone!

Wish me luck, although I won’t be actively posting I will be rewarding myself for reaching my goals every day and the reward I’ve chosen is reading all my friends blogs.

50,000 words divided by 30 days equals 1,666.66 words per day. Wish me luck!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The Zombie Apocalypse

Sunday the power went out about two in the afternoon. Initially it wasn't a big deal, it was day light the heat had been on all morning, we had eaten lunch, Ivy was down for her nap, everything was good.

As the day wore on it got a little more inconvenient, there aren't any windows in any of our bathrooms. Good thing we are all girls.

Time to take my little Ivy Love home and I was on the horns of a dilemma, take Mo with me and leave the fireplace unattended or leave her home with candles and the fireplace. I called Baby Daddy and explained the problem, he came to pick up little Miss Ivy and return her to her Momma.

I started to be very grateful that I had all that food storage, the lights might be out but I have a manual can opener, we could still eat.

Mo's boyfriend and a few friends came over, they played Monopoly in front of the fire while I drank wine and read by candlelight.

I felt very pioneerish. I could handle this, as long as my phone has a charge I know what time it is and am not cut off from the world.

The power company said the power should be back on by ten, I started to worry about not being able to charge my cell phone. I realized how reliant I am on electicity and technology.

There is only one clock in my house that is not digital and electric. We have no home phone. I cannot live without google! My stove is electric.

It was so fun to watch the kids. They decided that this was the zombie apocalypse and we didn't have enough weapons. They played Monopoly as couples, it got pretty cutthroat, they were talking about whose kids were gonna be on the street corner with will work for food signs. It was hysterical.

I was able to type this blog on my netbook because the battery had not yet died. I was proud of myself for having lots of candles and batteries for the flashlights. Mo and I are both very good about keeping our cars gassed up and if this were a real emergency we would not have starved but I did learn some things that I still need:

1. Logs for the fireplace, Mo ran and got some but what if the stores weren't able to open, one more thing for the food storage.

2. Battery operated or wind up alarm clock.

3. A way to charge the cell phones that doesn't require electricity.

4. A wireless internet connection that is not dependent on electricity.

5. More battery powered lights. Candles are great but there is a limit to how many you want to use.

6. Wine. I do not have enough wine for an emergency and I certainly do not want to meet the zombies sober.

It was one of the most wonderful evenings I've spent in a long time. Usually when all the kids are here I'm kind of in and out, I bring in snacks and drinks, take out the trash, just general picking up, but I'm really eavesdropping, making sure nothing unsavory is going on.

This time we were all in the same room, even Clementine, who is snoring next to me as I write this. I got to listen to them interact with each other, and occassionally they even asked for my opinion.

Thank you Rocky Mountain Power for keeping the lights out and letting me spend time with some great kids.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Barefoot Summer

One of the things I love most about summer is being barefoot. I keep flip flops in the car when I have to run into a store and I wear sandals at work. The rest of the time my feet are gloriously naked. As soon as I get home from work the shoes come off and if I have my way, they don’t go back on until I walk out the door for work in the morning.

I’ve always loved being barefoot. The feel of cool grass under my feet is wonderful. Or the soft black dirt of my vegetable garden. I love being barefoot.

Now that fall is hear and I’m wearing shoes more I have come to realize that after a barefoot summer my feet could be considered lethal weapons. When you shred your socks pulling them on, there might be a problem. My sheets are thin where my feet lie at night.

I bought a pedi egg because one of the guys at work raved about it. I sent that thing home crying to its Momma, and I decided my co worker must have sissy feet that have never seen the light of day.

So it’s back to my tried and true method. Spend a few nights with some sandpaper, grossing Mo out as I sand layers of crusty skin off my feet and then use the pedicure system Mo gave me for Christmas one year. I’ll soak my feet and then dip them in wax, after the wax comes off slather them with lotion and spend the winter in socks.

Come Spring my feet will be lovely and soft, for about a week, then it’s back to square one.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Little girls grow up

  This is what my kitchen looked like a few days ago. Mo and two of her friends decided they wanted to make dinner and have a movie night at home with their boyfriends.

  It was very cute. Mo doesn't cook, like her mother she can microwave just about anything, in a package, with directions. Mo decided she wanted to make Joycie's Alfredo sauce. The girls did it all. They even put vegetables in the Alfredo sauce with the chicken,

  It was so cute to watch. They are walking around the kitchen, each of them doing a different job, talking about boys and school and their summers. Just like grown women. The only thing missing was the glasses of wine, they had kool aide instead.

  This is what dinner looked like. Aren't they cute? My baby is growing up and learning to cook. I guess I won't starve to death when I'm old and wearing diapers and living with her. Just don't tell her I'm going to live with her, I want it to be a surprise!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Lunch and legless dwarfs

If you are easily offended, stop reading now. Otherwise, don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Last week Joyce and I went to the local buffet for lunch, this is a weakness of ours, I mean really, who needs to eat that much food in the middle of the day? I know I don’t have to eat it all but dammit it’s a buffet! I want my money’s worth!

When we came out after stuffing ourselves we were laughing about something when this guy sitting in a little Toyota pickup truck in the Carl’s Jr drive though, caught my eye. He smiled, I smiled, he smiled, I smiled. It was cute and unusual. Joyce was laughing at me the whole time. As we back up, he waves goodbye. That did it, I had to give him my number.

Joyce thought I was crazy, she was not going to stop so I could do this. I pouted and said fine, drive away and make me miss out on the love of my life. Once she stopped I started waffling- What if he’s married? What if he thinks I’m crazy? Joyce finally said- Get out right now and give him your number or I’m gonna kick you! We have a strange and twisted relationship.

I wrote my name and number on a piece of paper, gathered my courage and jogged over to his truck. I handed him the paper, smiled and jogged back to the jeep.

When I got in the jeep I said, “I think he’s a dwarf” Now I don’t mean an actual dwarf, Joyce and I both like men over six feet tall, anyone under that is a dwarf.

“That’s why you never give your number to men trapped in small vehicles, they might be dwarfs. For all you know, he might not even have legs.” Joyce is always the optimist.

“Ok, you have to get on board with me about this, if he doesn’t call it’s because he is married, not because he doesn’t think I’m cute.”

Joyce said, “ No, if he doesn’t call it’s because he is a dwarf with no legs. He say you jogging over there on your cute legs and the thought- I’d like to be with a girl with legs, but it will never work, and that’s why he didn’t call.”

Joyce has quite the imagination and once she gets a thought in her head she can’t let it go. I’m still laughing about the legless dwarf when she comes out with this:

“ How would you do it with a dwarf, would you put him on a table behind you so he had some height?” She’s serious, she really thinks about these things. I’m laughing so hard I’m pretty sure I’m gonna pee my pants. Finally she decides-

“If he doesn’t call you it’s because he’s a legless dwarf who doesn’t want to get you from behind.”

“Can’t we just say he’s married?” I’m crying by this time.

“ No, my way is so much better Carol.”

Just for the record, he did call, and he had such a speech impediment that I couldn’t understand him. So now Joyce’s favorite story is about the time I gave my number to a legless dwarf with a speech impediment.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

What lives in your head?

I wish I could blog every day. I have so much to say. Sometimes I do really well but then something comes along and knocks me off course, just a little, and then it’s really hard to get back to where I started.

Fall is not my favorite time of year, it always makes me a little sad. Summer is gone, warm days are behind us. No more yard work, walks in the sun, lunches in the park with my girl and her friends.

Then I realize Christmas is coming!! Oh someone help me! I already have several Christmas and baby gifts completed. I can’t wait to decorate the house. This will be a year for new traditions. Mo is getting older, in such a hurry to leave the nest and spread her wings so this year we are coming up with traditions that she can take with her but we can still share.

We are already coming up with new things. One thing we’ve started a few years ago is Mo and Ivy’s dysfunctional family Christmas party. It’s my favorite thing. This year we are going to expand it a little so that in the years to come, as Mo gets married and creates her own family, this will be a tradition at Mom’s that is separate from Christmas Day. I can’t wait for this year’s party.

This is also the year that I work on teaching Mo how to make all the traditional fixings that go with the holiday dinners. I thought stuffing came out of a box and yams out of a can for years, I know better now, thank you Trina.  My baby will make the Thanksgiving turkey this year, she gets to decide which method to use and that’s what we’ll do.

I also don’t believe that I’ve done enough to instill in her that Christmas is a time for giving, and not just to people you know. I know I should have done more to that end when she was younger but she was my only child, it was so easy to give and give and give. We have done the Angel tree in the past and we do Sub for Santa every year and I hope those are things she continues with her family one day. This year we are also going to do shoe boxes for Christmas, not just Mo and I, but her friends as well. We all have so much, we can give back much more than we do.

I’m trying to plan the holidays this month. Next month I am participating in the NaNoWriMo. A 175 page novel in 30 days. I’m sure I won’t have much time to blog but hopefully, you will want to hear all about it when I do find time. So although my posts will be sporadic, I still read everything you write and look forward to it.

Also any ideas for holiday traditions that Mo and I can start as she moves into adulthood would be very welcome!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

When did I get this old?

Most of the time my age doesn’t bother me. I usually forget, to be honest. I know how old I am but I don’t feel like what I thought middle aged would feel like so it’s easy to forget. Just the other day I was reminded of my age and forced to say it out loud, “ I will be 47 in a few months.” WTH??

Oh damn that sounds old, old, old. I know it’s not, but come on, do you have any idea how close that is to 50? I’m starting to freak out a little bit. Since I’ve said that out loud it seems like my body is realizing it is no longer 25 and now it wants to fall apart. Stuff is starting to hurt. I went to watch the boys play football and sitting on those bleachers just about killed me, my back hurt so bad! My back never hurts.

Now when I stand up after sitting for a while, I’m all creaky and hunched over. When did this happen? And to top it all off, I’m becoming a hypochondriac. I thought people were born like that but I’m starting to realize it happens as you get older and your body starts doing things you have no control over.

Clay helped me move a couch, I thought I had an aneurysm. Later I was driving and got a pain in my eye, I thought maybe I was having a stroke. And my damn bunion was hurting. At this rate I'll be bedridden within a week.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

I think it may be time for an intervention

   I have really, really good intentions. The list of marvelous, wonderful things I am going to accomplish every day is manageable. Apparently I'm not good at time management. Here is the plan for the day that lives in my head:

5am- get up, do some light stretching, shower, hair and make up
6am-2:30pm- work
3pm- straighten up the house while dinner is in the microwave
4pm- eat a nice dinner with Mo
4:30- catch up on a few blogs
5:30- work on the Christmas presents and baby gifts that are in the basement waiting for me
6:30 write
7:30- yoga
8:15 light weights
8:45 write until bedtime

  This is what my day actually looks like:

5:30- oversleep- jump in the shower, go to work with wet hair that I will pull back in a clip when I get there. Through on some eyeliner and mascara at my desk.
6-2:30- work, frequently checking my email to see who has commented on my blog
3pm- throw something in the microwave while responding to comments on blog
4pm- eat a hot pocket and string cheese while reading blogs
5pm- have a glass of wine and walk downstairs to look at the Christmas mess
5:15- get a tweet that says Kathryn has published a new blog- run upstairs to read it.
5:30 write tomorrows blog and get more wine
6pm- think about exercising and decide it's not a good idea because I've had two glasses of wine, so read more blogs
7pm- get more wine and see if we have any cookies
7:15- walk downstairs again to look at presents. Wait email update on my phone, someone just commented on my blog- back up stairs I go.
7:30 respond to comment and read more blogs
Shit, it's ten, time for bed. This is getting out of hand. I work for eight hours a day, I sleep for seven, then there are like two hours for personal hygiene and commuting, the remaining seven hours I spend drinking wine and reading blogs. I think this may be a problem. The only way to have enough time  to read blogs is if I quit my job.

  I thought about it , I really did, but I wouldn't be able to pay for the Internet so in order to read blogs, I'd have to spend all my time in a coffee shop or book store with free wi fi, the gas would get shut off so I wouldn't be able to shower, I'd get kicked out of the bookstore. It's probably best if I keep my job.

  Tomorrow I"m turning over a new leaf. I'm going to become disciplined! No blogs until after I exercise and write something!  That should motivate me to get something done. Although, I really think I should still be able to respond to comments while I'm heating up dinner. I won't read any blogs, but it's impolite not to respond to comments.

  Maybe I'll get disciplined next week. Or even better, it's always best to start a new habit at the beginning of the month, so maybe I'll get disciplined in November. Then again, it would be a good New Years resolution.

  Send wine, I don't see my habits changing.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

My buddy and me....

Do you remember the toy, My Buddy? And the song:

My Buddy and me

Like to climb up a tree.

My buddy and me

We're the best friends that could be.

My youngest brother had a My Buddy doll, he would drag that thing everywhere, until he saw the Chucky movies, then he wanted nothing to do with it. He was afraid of the operator too, weird kid.

This isn't about a toy though, this is about my real life My Buddy. I've blogged about her before, she is a constant in my life.

I love my sisters, this has nothing to do with my love for them. However, with my sisters I find that we have certain expectations of each other. Our feelings get hurt, we don't talk about what bothers us, we dance around each others feelings.

Not Tree and I! Dammit if she pisses me off, she's gonna know about it, and vice versa.

Sometimes our friends are a mirror image of ourselves. In this case, Trina and I are each others good side. Sometimes she will call me and say "OK, am I just being a bitch?" and if she is, I will tell her she needs to let whatever is bothering her go. At the same time she will tell me, stop poking that man with a stick, he doesn't deserve it. I hate it when she's right.

   Trina is the friend who holds you when you cry and makes sure you don't puke in your hair. She is also the friend who laughs until she pees her pants after you fall out of her house, but only once she's sure you are ok. If I ever have to go to the hospital, Trina is there. Even when I was married Trina was the one holding my hand when I was scared.

We are able to listen to each other and see what the issue really is, instead of what we are pretending it is  amin order to protect ourselves. With Trina I can be who I really am, warts and all. I can honestly say, I don't know who I would be without her. Trina is who I want to be if I ever grow up. I hope one day, Mo is lucky enough to have a friend like Trina.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Why I don't cook




   I keep mentioning in my blog that I do not cook. I can heat stuff up with the best of them but actual cooking. I'll leave that to the pros. after all, there is a fast food joint on every corner.

    You wanna know why I don't cook? Rules!!! I know they are called recipes but to me, they are just rules. I hate when pieces of paper try to tell me what to do. I will bake anything you want, because usually that involves chocolate and all kinds of sweetness so I get a reward for following the rules, but cooking? Not enough reward there.

     I am not a good grocery shopper, I mean who buys tomato paste, on purpose? I can't imagine saying to myself " I must stop at the store because we are fresh out of tomato paste." Yeah, not gonna happen. So since I don't have tomato paste, or most other things used in cooking I have to improvise.

     Take chili for instance, here is a recipe from online and my substitutions:

• 12 oz tomato paste- cream cheese and red food coloring

• 16 oz tomato sauce- ketchup

• 3 24oz cans red kidney beans (drained)- green beans

• 6 Tablespoons garlic powder- Mrs Dash, lots and lots of Mrs Dash- its the only spice I have

• 3 Tablespoons onion powder- see above

• 2 Tablespoons ground cumin- see above

• 2 Tablespoons parsley- see above

• 2 Teaspoons oregano- stop talking about spices!

• 1/2 Teaspoon salt- i have salt!!

• 1/2 Teaspoon ground black pepper- no pepper in my food

• 1 Tablespoon chipotle powder- what the hell is this?

• 1 Teaspoon habenero chile powder- cinnamon- it's the same color

• 1 medium onion, chopped- onion

• 4 whole red habeneros (deveined, deseeded and chopped) nope- I hate hot stuff

• 6 jalepenos (deveined, deseeded and chopped) nope again

• 2 New Mexican chiles (deveined, deseeded and chopped) see above

• 1/2 pound elbow macaroni- just use whats in the mac and cheese box and add the cheese packet so there's no waste.

• 1 pound steak of choice- roast beef from the deli

• 1 pound ground beef- hamburger from McDonald's

• 1 pound ground pork- nope

• 6 oz beer (1/2 can)- like I'm gonna waste beer on other people! I added milk because of the mac and cheese, I was all kinds of inventive that day!

   Then after giving you a laundry list of stuff to throw in a pot, the stupid recipe wants to tell you what to do with it. My only cooking rule is don't put aluminium foil in the microwave.

   I don't understand why no one wants to come over for dinner.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Thank you Dr. Edwards

   Dr. Robert Edwards received the Nobel prize in medicine. He, along with Dr Patrick Steptoe are the inventors of IVF- in vitro fertilization.

   I can't give you an award, all I can give you is my thanks. Thank you for my baby, for all the babies. Thank you for every minute that I am Mo's mom. When the doctors all said it was impossible, I had hope, because of you.
   So thank you for my little Mo, each and every second of my life I am grateful for your knowledge, perseverance and determination.
   Congratulations, you deserve this and so much more for all you have given to us.

I think I may have a problem

     Last week at work Joyce and I were talking with Anu, a sweet little lady from India that works with us. They were talking about rice, apparently there is more than one kind of rice, who knew? Move over Minute Rice!

      They were talking about rice with beautiful names like basmati and jasmine. It was lovely to hear them talk, I wasn't picturing rice in my mind, instead I saw fields of flowers and other good smelling things, needless to say I was drifting and not paying attention to the conversation.

       Then it happened. Rice cooker. What is a rice cooker? Is this some kind of appliance I've never heard of? What does one do with a rice cooker? Why cook rice of course! Tell me more!

       I began quizzing them on rice cookers. What do they look like? What do they do? How do they do it? Where can I get one? I was all a twitter.

       I didn't even make it home, I had to stop at that big box store we all love to hate and buy myself a rice cooker. There were so many to choose from, different sizes, different brands. Oh, my! I bought the eight cup one, because six cups didn't sound like enough. I mean, maybe I'll have company and need lots and lots of rice.  Now, I'm ready for anything with my handy dandy little rice cooker.

       I rushed home to show Mo my wonderful little rice cooker. As I walked in the house I remembered two things:

   1. I don't cook, not even rice,

   2. I don't even like rice!

     What the hell was I thinking? My little rice cooker sits, on top of the refrigerator, still in the box. I haven't even opened it. I'm waiting until I clean that one cabinet out, then I'm going to shove it in there, where it will wait, until I need eight cups of rice.

      I wonder if you can pop popcorn in it? Oh wait, I don't eat popcorn either.

Friday, October 1, 2010

With you all things are possible.....

   This is for you, all my lovely bloggy friends. My new friend Vicki has given me an award. If you haven't read her blog you should, she is definitely a glitter frog and makes me laugh. Even more amazing, she reads what I write and we are not related AND I don't even have to pay her!

   I'm horrible at these blog award rules, this one says you should give it to 15 people, well, I don't follow rules so I'm giving it to all of you, grab this award and put it on your page and then pass it on to 15 deserving souls, or not, as you see fit.

  Instead I'm going to present you with 15 random things I know, or have thought recently. So basically this is your fifteen minutes inside my head. You've waited forever for this haven't you?

#1- Measuring cups do not get stored in the fridge.

#2- Strippers use Visine to get the red out after shaving before spending the night on the pole.

#3- I miss lighting bugs.

#4-The only part of gym class I liked was climbing the rope.

#5-Earrings and vibrators? Seriously!!

#6- It is physically impossible for a 17 year old girl to replace the toilet paper roll.

#7- Hair extensions are actually glued in with a special hot glue gun.

#8- If you close the swamp cooler for the season it will be 90 degrees for a week.

#9- The bigger my ass gets the more I want ice cream, and sweat pants.

#10- There is a middle aged woman who stalks me from my bathroom mirror. I don't know how to get rid of her.

#11- Sometimes my kid is too honest.

#12- If wishes were horses there would be a lot of horse shit in my yard.

#13- Friday the 13th is my lucky day, or it was, until my sister got married at the drive through.

#14- Yeah, she's gonna kick my ass for #13

#15- Why does it always smell like ass in the kitchen at work?

  That's it, all I've got. Grab an award and go spread joy. I love that people read what falls out of my head. I appreciate it every single day, your comments make me feel all warm and fuzzy. Thanks for that, I can always use warm and fuzzy.