Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Is that my shadow?

This week’s confession is that I’m a little afraid of everything. Now I know most people have fears but I really am a little afraid of everything, I try not to be but I am usually unsuccessful.

The list of things I’m afraid of is long and varied and for the most part, irrational, I know this, you don’t have to point it out, but I’m still a little afraid.

Take my jetted tub. How can you be afraid of a tub? Well let me tell you!

When I was looking for a house to buy I thought it would be lovely to have a jetted tub, I am fond of my bubble baths. When I found the house that Mo and I both thought was perfect AND it had a jetted tub I knew it was destiny.

I moved in, got everything settled, pictures hung on the wall, cabinets stocked. It finally was starting to feel like home. Mo went to her father’s for the weekend so it seemed a perfect time to enjoy my tub. After all that moving I was looking forward to relaxing in my beautiful tub.

I gathered all the needed supplies- bubble bath, a soft robe, a fluffy towel, a hair clip, a radio, a glass of wine and lots and lots of candles.

I was so excited. I danced around the bathroom, singing along to the radio, turned on the water, poured the bubble bath, lit the candles, grabbed my wine and climbed in the tub.

Now the first thing you need to know, it takes an eternity to fill that tub with water. I sat there for about 30 seconds, I have issues with sitting still so after 30 seconds I jumped out, ran upstairs and got the bottle of wine since it looked like I was going to be there for a while.

Back in the tub feeling kind of silly. I’m naked, sitting in a half an inch of water, in the dark, singing “ Harper Valley PTA”

Finally the tub is full enough to turn on the jets. Hallelujah! Before I turn on the jets I want to remind you of two things- I am completely alone in the house and my jetted tub- it’s in the basement. Why anyone would put a jetted tub in the basement when the bedrooms are on the second floor is beyond me, but there you have it.

I push the button to turn on the jets. For a split second I am afraid of being electrocuted- after all it takes electricity to run the jets and I’m sitting in a tub full of water- pretty sure I’m gonna die because as I’ve said- I’m a little afraid of everything.

Then I forget all about being electrocuted because I realize with the jets running I can hear absolutely nothing! This is not good. Was that someone walking upstairs? I turn the jets off. I don’t hear anything so I sneak out of the tub and lock the bathroom door.

I settle back in the tub with my wine and turn on the jets. Did I just hear the front door close? Turn the jets off. I’m starting to realize that if a serial killer broke into the house I wouldn’t even know it until he was in the bathroom with me, then it would be too late. No noise, turn the jets on. What was that bang? Turn the jets off. After about ten minutes of this I drain the water, blow out the candles and turn on the light. I am not going to sit in the tub waiting for a serial killer to come and get me.

I know it’s irrational, I mean, how does a serial killer know I’m in the basement in the jetted tub? I have no idea, I’m not a serial killer so I don’t get the newsletter, but I’m not taking any chances.

Like I said, I’m a little afraid of everything.

4 comments:

  1. We are related! I don't know how, but we must be! I have the same irrational fears but I don't say I'm irrational. I'm quirky. And so are you!

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  2. We are two of a kind darlin!

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  3. You silly girl! Don't you know that you take your jetted baths when Mo is HOME. Sitting outside the bathroom door...with a shotgun in her lap.

    It's that simple.

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  4. Girl! My back door stays open when I'm in the bath. Someone could just walk right in. Oh except for 90 pound Harry, and 80 pound Honey and the fact that they are both 1/2 pit bull, that is. When I saw the movie "Psycho" I stopped ever taking showers when alone. But now I can do it all and not worry. Of course, if I didn't have the dogs, I'd have the AK next to the bottle of wine!

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