Thursday, May 27, 2010

Time to get a gun, that's what I'm thinking....

Most of the time I am not afraid living alone. I have always felt safe in Utah and really never give crime a second thought. I’m not naive, just secure I guess. Recently I had reason to question my security and some of my choices. I don’t have a gun and my dog weighs 9 pounds so I don’t have much in the way of home security, we lock the doors and call it good.

A little over a week ago, on a Saturday night, Ivy was here with us, we were all fast asleep and suddenly I hear banging and yelling and someone pounding on the front door. I wake up screaming for Mo, she is sleeping on the couch in the family room and I can’t tell if the noise I hear is coming from inside the house or outside the house. Amazingly, Ivy sleeps on.

I jump out of bed and go running downstairs. There are two things wrong with this particular choice, the first is that I’m blind for the first 5-7 minutes I’m awake, I don’t know why but my eyes seem to still think they are closed, it happens every morning. The second thing is my steps, I love them, they are one of the things that made me fall in love with my house, but they make a sharp turn left and then a sharp turn right. I fall down them when I am wide awake and can see.

So I run screaming………and fall down the steps. I still have no idea what’s going on, I can’t see. I hear yelling to my left, outside, and yelling to my right, Mo and Kenz who are terrified. I still can’t see so I tell Mo to call 911. I think I open the front door for a split second before I regain my senses and slam it closed. I look out the window and see many shapes of what look like people kicking the crap out of someone on the ground. They run away when they realize I’ve seen them, all except the boy who was taking the beating, he is crawling into my bushes.

Mo hands me the phone and my friendly emergency operator asks all the vital information, who am I, what’s my address, what’s going on. I try to tell her as best I can but my vision has only recently returned so all I can say is a bunch of Hispanic guys fighting. Were there weapons? Ummmmmm, I don’t know. Is anyone hurt, again, I know. Do I recognize them? Why yes Miss Operator, my friends always fight in my front yard when I’m asleep. I tell her about the boy who crawled in the bushes, she asks if her is breathing, ummmmm I don’t freaking know. And then she says the thing that makes me think I’m on candid camera- Can you go outside and check? Hello, did you not just hear me say there were eight guys killing each other on my front steps, no I don’t believe I’ll go outside!

Then she got a little bit of an attitude and asked me how she was supposed to know what kind of help to send if I wouldn’t cooperate. I said send whatever you got, I think the Navy might be overkill because we’re in Utah, but send the rest.

Mo was very excited because they sent a fire engine. I’m still not sure why, but hey, maybe the firemen were bored. So on my little street, which is exactly three houses long we had a fire truck, one of the big ones with the ladder, an ambulance and four police cars. The cops trampled my front yard for about 15 minutes and somehow over looked the crack pipe I found when I mowed my lawn in the morning.

So I’m thinking maybe I need a gun,in the words of my Miranda, I could afford one, if I did just a little less drinking, but since I can’t see when I first wake up I’m starting to think that a big dog might be a better option, at least I can’t shoot myself with a dog.

So next post will introduce you to our newest family member, Sadie Jayne. Sometimes answers to wishes really do fall out of the sky.


  1. My dad was a cop. I'm used to guns and we have a number of them. When Alex is out of town, I don't even bother with the guns. I have Harry (90 pounds of lab/pit bull ) and Honey (80 pounds of german shepherd pit bull) and those are my PPU's. (Personal protection units.) I know how to use a gun, but guns are my last choice of defense, even though I know how to shoot. Give me a dog and a telephone any day of the week. (Better protection does not exist.)

  2. Oh no..I thought my girls were safe in time there is all that goin yell outside..YOU DON'T WANT ME TO CALL MY MOTHER DO YOU...IF THEY DON'T REACT TO THAT....CALL ME AND I WILL FLY RIGHT OUT AND KICK SOME ASSES...
    Love You

  3. Oh, honey! How incredibly scary that must have been! I have to ask:

    WTF were you thinking...opening up the front door? Are you out of your mind??? Don't you EVER do that again! Even if the person says they're your mother....have 'em slide ID under the door. Your REAL mom would know you couldn't read it anyway...


Say it, you know you wanna!