Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The Poop Palace

As many of you know I recently lost my mind and decided that since I don't have time to OWN another dog, I should foster. Yes, because fostering a momma and her seven, count them SEVEN puppies requires absolutely no time commitment.

I have to say, initially it was wonderful. The puppies were three days old, palm sized and oh so very cute. The mom is the best dog and such a good little Momma. Down in the basement they go, throw a blanket on the floor and mom takes care of them. It's all very beautiful and serene. I'm feeling very proud of my good deed.

Fast forward two weeks, we've ripped up the carpet in the basement because....that's a lot of puppies! We now have a huge kennel that they live in so life is still fairly good. Starting to get cocky, thinking I have this fostering thing down, I'm saving the world, one dog at a time.

Fast forward two more weeks, but first I need to explain. During this time I got very ill. I won't gross you out with the details but somehow I managed to get a friendly little bacteria known as C-diff. For those of you not familiar with this, let's just say I lost seven pounds in two weeks, not sure if it was from the bacteria or from all the running to the bathroom, either way, my jeans fit better. Bonus!

Added bonus, at four weeks the puppies can start eating dog food. How cute is that? Soak it down with some water and watch seven little puppies learn to eat from something other then their mother's scary, dragging the floor milk pockets. Cute, cute, cute. Please remember, what you put in a puppy, must come out. Starting to wonder about this fostering thing but with all the time I'm spending in the bathroom I'm really not noticing what the puppies are doing.

Prior to eating dog food Momma was cleaning up her puppies messes. If you have any experience with dogs you know this is what the mother does, she keeps the area clean by eating the puppy poop. Think about this the next time a female dog licks you in the face.

Anyway, Shiloh is still trying her best to keep up with the steady stream of shit her babies are producing and doing a bang up job. I mean really, if they told me before I got pregnant that I would have to eat the baby poop, I would have had a hysterectomy on the spot.

The house is starting to smell really, really bad. No matter how often I scrub it smells like shit. Then a wonderful thing happens, but it's one of those wonderful things that has a dark side. Shiloh got adopted when the puppies were six weeks old. They were eating and she had weaned them. We were afraid no one would want Shiloh and her deformed baby suckers so we were so happy that someone did. Yeah!!!

Then comes the dark side. No one is eating the puppy poop. If I thought it smelled bad before I was mistaken. I'm getting up at 4:30 in the morning to scrape puppy shit off the floor before work, I'm coming home from work and scraping it up again, and then before I go to bed and still all I can smell is puppy poop. Oh, and they bark. So I'm basically scraping shit in my sleep, oh wait, who can sleep with seven barking puppies?

So, the bright side is four of the seven have been adopted, so far three of those have been picked up. I did a happy dance as each car pulled away. One less pooping machine! It's gotten so bad I'm actually trying to figure a mathematical equation about how much less poop there will be to soothe myself. It's kind of like rocking in the corner and sucking your thumb, only I can't suck my thumb because even with gloves my poop scrubbing hands are grossing me out.

It has been wonderful, watching the puppies, they've gotten so big. It's nice to think we helped Shiloh and her babies find their people. I'm not sure I would foster a litter again anytime soon, but I would like to foster another dog.

Clementine, however, is not impressed.



Once again, I learned some pretty important stuff.
1. Seven puppies is a lot, no, really, I thought I knew that, but I had no idea.
2. No matter how hard you try, they are gonna pee on the carpet.
3. Nothing you do will prepare you for the amount of poop that seven puppies produce.
4. Once they find their bark you will not sleep again until they go to college, I mean their new homes.
5. Did I mention the poop?
6. And the biggest thing I learned, concrete is porous. So even after they leave my house is going to smell like shit until I seal the concrete. So as I mentioned before, preparation doesn't matter, you are in puppy hell.

6 comments:

  1. Now you know what its like to clean up poop from babies until they learn whre the bathroom is....but you still love them and you have them around for a much longer time then you had the puppies...because you don't let anyone come and take them...sometimes you wonder why not! But then you remember ...you love them with all your heart....

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  2. You are a better woman than I! I really don't like dealing with puppies. They are precious and adorable but I like my dogs older and housebroken. My son's mini schnauzer Lola started visiting when she was 8 weeks old. We were getting up in the night to clean Lola and her crate! I'm too old for that crap! LOL! She's a year old now, but still leaves tokens under the dining room table when she's here. Oy Vey!

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  3. UR A BEAUTIFUL PERSON, AND IT WAS A YES AN ODD CHOICE BUT A SELFLESS ONE THAT DOG LOVERS LIKE MYSELF TAKE THEIR HATS OFF TOO, UR BLESSING WILL BE MANY, IM HAPPY FOR SHILOH, AND HEY WE GOT SOME CUTE ASS SISSY PICS OUT OF THE DEAL, IT WAS ALL WIN FOR ME LOLOLOLOL

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  4. It is great that you tried to do something good. Living through the dog poop and seeing the puppies being adopted into families is your reward. (A stinky house is your punishment.) In the scheme of things, the smell will go away, but those puppies will have years of a happy life!
    Lindsey Petersen

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  5. After two iguana, two ball pythons, two tarantuala, one black Mexican king snake, several large lizards with sophisticated names, one Goliath bird-eater spider, tank after tank of fish (including an electric cat fish and a pugilistic shrimp,) fifty seven Madagascar hissing cockroaches, and a stream of cats and dogs ending in the four living cats and one ancient dog, I am ready to be pet free.

    Mike

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  6. OHMYGOD! What an incredible story....and it's all true! Wow...I'd no idea...but I guess it makes sense. So much I didn't know about mommy-doggies....thanks so much for that, btw...gross!
    I'm really glad that Shiloh got adopted...and I hope the remainder of the puppies find a good home soon so you can get some sleep! I cannot imagine the smell, sweetie...seriously!
    As for Clementine? What an adorable, sweet little face!

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