Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Naughty Girls Recycle Too

Tonight is one of those nights made for cleaning closets. The wind is howling and the lovely Mother Nature is gearing up to remind Utah that we were insane to put “Greatest Snow on Earth” on our license plates! Four more days of snow. Right now with the wind and coming snow I’m just hoping that the guys who put on my new roof last week knew what they were doing!

Back to the closet cleaning. You may remember that recently I got rid of an old boyfriend. After the initial break up I purged the obvious, his toothbrush, that hideous shirt he left here, the letter he wrote, that’s right, just one, and it wasn’t to me, it was to my daughter.

I thought he was gone. Then I opened my closet and found, tucked in my travel bag, the sex toys we bought together. Ahhh, what fond memories I have of Sergio and Bob. Unfortunately, those memories also include him and a trip to the local naughty store that ended up with some seriously heavy petting in the parking garage.

They must go! I didn’t know that sex toys could have a face, but these have his and it is time for them to go. Being the earth friendly girl I am, I found myself on the horns of a dilemma. I hate to throw things in the trash if they could possibly have a second life or be recycled. I couldn’t imagine Sergio and Bob would find a new home at the local thrift store so I diligently searched them for the little recycling triangle. Hmmm, it’s not there.

So I did what I always do, I blocked my cell phone number and called the local recycling line.

“Hello, Waste Management, how can I help you.”

“ Hi, umm, I have a question about recycling.”

“ Great, what city do you live in?’

“West Jordan”

“Are you aware we have curbside recycling, we can have a can delivered to your house for recyclables, it will be picked up with your regular trash.”

“ Yes, I know, I have one of those cans. My question is about what I can put in those cans. I was cleaning out some closets and came across some……battery powered toys. Are those recyclable?"

“Well, the batteries are recycled differently but if the toys are recyclable they will have the symbol on them.”

“ I looked for the symbol and didn’t find it.”

“ What kind of toys are they? Trucks and cars its usually on the underside. Legos, building blocks, things like that it’s usually on the container it came in.”

“ I don’t have the package they came in.”

“ Well just tell me the type of toy and I’ll tell you where to look.”

She is being so very patient with me, wonderful recycling goddess that she is.

“ Ummmm, they’re kind of, well, they are adult toys.”

“ Adult toys? You’re kidding right? I don’t have time to play these sick games with you lady.”

And she hung up on me! I guess Sergio and Bob will meet their maker at the dump. I carefully removed their batteries and wrapped them individually, taped them up with duct tape and put them in a shoe box secured with more duct tape.

I’m hiding them until trash day. I mean, I’m not Paris Hilton but I am Nicolas Cage’s next wife and the last thing I need for the paparazzi to get a hold of these!


  1. OMG!...love this posting. Especially, the duct tape and shoebox! Thank you, you've made my day!

  2. Girl Girl Girl! What are you thinking? Don't get rid of Sergio! Bob, I could care less. But Sergio? No No No. Keep him. And keep the batteries too. You just never know! (Recycling with these is kind of out of the question though, isn't it? Rather like a set of dentures!) You little Goof!

  3. Linda, Sergio had to go, he started the whole thing, especially in the parking gargae!

  4. LOL...OMG!! We need to talk sister wife ;p

  5. Oh, this was hilarious! I have to tell you that in my head, the voice of the recycling person was a GUY! (Till you said it was a girl, of course)

    I can just see you searching for the recycling symbol! HAHAHAHA!!!

    This was PRICELESS!!!!!

  6. Why did you name your toy Sergio? I know what Bob means but what is Sergio?

  7. I'm trying to think of something sage and witty to say....but my mind keeps turning to...


Say it, you know you wanna!