If you have read my archives ( and I hope you have!) then you know that not too long ago I broke up with my boyfriend of three and a half years after his OTHER girlfriend emailed me on Facebook and basically asked me what I was doing with HER boyfriend!
So, good riddance to bad rubbish. She and I are now friends and we say the best thing that came out of our relationships with him is that we found a new friend. I'm not sorry it ended, in my heart I knew he wasn't right for me. Still, I spent three and a half years loving this man, convinced that if I just loved him enough, he would get over his issues and see what we could have together.
That's a long time, especially in dog years, which is what it felt like sometimes. I loved him, I tried to make him happy, I loved his children, I accepted his flaws and hoped he accepted mine. I even bought the house I did because it had room for all of our children.
Now, six short months after we are finally over, I find out he is getting married. WTF??!! This is the man who wasn't ready for a commitment.
I've met her, she's very nice, but still........ I can't help but ask, why her and not me? What is wrong with me that is right with her? Now he's buying rings and furniture and doing her Honey Do list.
As silly as it is, all the things that he told me were "wrong" with me, keep running through my head.
I know logically that just because those things were wrong to him, they won't be to my Prince Charming. Still, it makes me question myself. Am I too independent? What is too independent? I'm successful in my chosen field, is that really a bad thing? Are all men going to be weird if I make more money than they do? I'm handier around the house than he is, I'm eighteen months older than he is, I speak my mind, if you are two hours late for a date, I won't be waiting when you finally call, are those really bad traits?
It's hard to look at ourselves objectively and I don't want to be the woman marrying him, but that part of me that craves acceptance is still sitting there, with a bewildered look on her face thinking " Why wasn't I enough?"