Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Letting go

High school graduation. How does it sneak up on us so quickly? This past weekend my sister, my niece, my daughter and I drove to Ruidoso New Mexico to my nephew’s high school graduation.

It still seems very surreal. Where did the time go? I remember when I was younger, when my daughter was younger, hearing people say that they still think of their children as young children, no matter their age. I thought they were crazy.

Now I know how it feels. My niece is almost 22 but when I think of her and she is not standing right in front of me, the picture of her that lives in my mind, she is about three, tiny little face and a huge mass of out of control curls, running through the house in her nightgown saying “ Maggie Simpson, Maggie Simpson, I’m gonna babysit you!” We have no idea why she said that, but it was her thing for a while.

My nephew will be eighteen in a few weeks, and just graduated from high school, he has a car, a job, a plan for college, but when I think of him, he is all dressed up climbing on the bus for the first day of kindergarten. His little boy comb over smoothly in place, holding Scooby doo because he is scared.

We all went out to dinner and we followed him because he knows the area, it seems so weird that my sister’s baby has a life we know nothing about, drives streets we’ve never been driven, eats at restaurants we’ve never seen. He valet parked his car life he had been doing it all his life. Who taught him these things that we haven’t been part of, or was he just born knowing his place is this world and navigating accordingly?

My daughter is closing in on sixteen, as she reminds me daily. I know I need to let go, she really doesn’t have a life because I’m too over protective. Her friends can come to our house but I don’t really let her run with the crowd. It’s too scary, so many things can happen. I know I need to ease up and let her have a life, every time I give myself that little pep talk, I’m right at the brink of letting go, and then I realize, I’m not ready, we still have to wait, just a little longer.

How do you let go? I know she needs to make some mistakes while I can still guide her, but the thought of her getting hurt is too much. Especially knowing that getting hurt today is way different than getting hurt when I was sixteen, and could have much longer lasting repercussions.

So, I hope one day she forgives me, I’m new at this letting go thing. When I take my niece to the trax station I still remind her not to cross in front of the train, or to watch out for cars in the parking lot, she’s twenty one and I still can’t stop.

Maybe if I had a house full of kids it would be easier, the letting go would happen naturally, almost without thinking about it because when the oldest were stretching their wings you would still be so busy with the younger ones, and then when the younger ones get to that age you would know they would be ok. Or maybe I’m just up in the night and we all lay awake and wonder how we can let our babies out the door into this mean old world without us.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Lunatics

Ahhhhhhhh, vacation. Sounds wonderful doesn’t it? Four days, no work, no chores, just relaxing with my family. What could be better?

I don’t want to give you the impression that the trip wasn’t wonderful, it was, it’s just that twenty eight hours in a car with two PMS’ing girls, really, not at the top of anyone’s list of a good time!

We left on Friday, as soon as Kay got home and Mo got out of school. That was the plan, Ned and I watched the clock and paced, come on, come on, we wanna get out of here!

We were waiting for Kay, who called us in somewhat of a panic, she was trying to cash her paycheck and it was unreadable. She was panicking because she needed money for the trip. So, after Ang talked her down off the ledge, we waited for her to come home.

Ok. Girls are accounted for, and we are off. I won’t bore you with the details of the trip but I laughed so hard that my sides still ache. Who knew knock knock jokes were still so funny? We laughed until we cried, we were tired and giggly a lot of the trip, so everything was funny. Like Kay walking into a motel in Gallup with her bag and a lemon cake, at two in the morning. Or Ang talking to me on the phone and asking Kyle if he took her phone again because she can’t find it.

We had to stand on the hotel bed to take pictures because the room was so small there wasn’t anywhere else for all of us to stand, and there were eight of us. We tried to make Kyle do the Zoolander face, he didn’t want any part of it, but we laughed anyway. We went to dinner at the casino and Kyle’s uncle ate on a little plate and broke his chair while his girlfriend danced with her ice cream. Doesn’t sound that funny but trust me, it was.

They sell actual alcohol in Walmart in New Mexico. We looked like a bunch of Mormon’s let out on a weekend pass. We were amazed at what you could buy in Walmart. We bought box wine and paper cups, nothing but the best for us!

Kyle’s graduation was wonderful, his graduating class had around 100 kids in it, small town life at it’s best. Since we are not very good at organizing what comes next, we left when the last speaker was droning on. Poor Kyle had to call us at the hotel and ask for a ride, there were fourteen people at his graduation and we had all abandoned him, thinking someone else was giving him a ride.

My beautiful Mo, why do boys check you out everywhere we stop? Tell them you are too little, tell them your Daddy will kick their butts, tell them anything so they stop looking. Oh wait, you are checking them out too.

Kay had two Native American’s comment on her tattoo in Gallup, if you read her blog it’s very funny, she calls them Gallupians. Kay is the only person I know that can make chubby Indian men take their shirts off at 8am in a McDonalds.

Mo told me gullible isn’t in the dictionary, guess who’s gullible enough to believe that?

No trip is complete without poop talk. I don’t know what it is, but even now that our girls are grown, that’s still the first thing we say when they don’t feel good “ Did you try to poop?” “ Mom, I don’t’ have to poop!” “ Go try, you’ll feel better.”


I spent time with my ex husbands family as well, my sister and I married and divorced brothers, so our families are still intertwined with theirs. I was grateful that I have a good relationship with my ex husband and his girlfriend, that we are able to stand together and provide a united front and lots of support to Mo, that I am able to continue to have a relationship with people who were part of my life for so long.

It was a sad time as well, my ex brother in law has Lou Gehrigs disease and is now in a wheelchair, it will probably be the last time I see him. My heart broke for his wife, she is such a wonderful person, and they have been so happy together after taking so long to find each other.


I had the time of my life. I love these people more than air. Waking up in the morning to my sister, my niece, and my daughter, hearing their laughter, juggling showers and hairdryers and teeth brushing. Sharing a bed with my daughter, peeing on the side of the road when the next services are just too far away. So many moments we wouldn’t have had together without this trip.

It was the best twenty eight hours I’ve spent in a long time.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

New Mexico

This is the longest week. It’s always like that when you’re looking forward to something. Friday we leave to go to New Mexico for my nephew’s graduation. I’m excited to have the time off work, also excited to see Kyle.

It’s going to be a strange trip. My sister and I married, and later divorced, brothers. My nephew lives in New Mexico with my ex brother in law and his new wife. My ex husband and his girlfriend will be there, along with various other ex in laws. This should be fun.

I have a great relationship with my ex husband, and his girlfriend, and his baby’s momma! Kind of funny actually, my darling daughter became a big sister at 15, so now her extended family is way more extended than any of us ever imagined.

But back to the vacation this weekend. My sister Ned, her daughter Kay, Mo and I will drive the twelve hours down and twelve hours back. That part will be fun, girlie road trip, singing along with the radio, frequent bathroom breaks, laughing together, in general being silly.

Then we will get to New Mexico. I’m not sure my ex husbands family is as ok with our divorce as we are, most of them no longer even talk to our daughter. So graduation and whatever comes after should be very uncomfortable, for all involved. It will be the first time my sister and her ex husband’s new wife have been in the same place at the same time. The new wife is a little threatened by my sister so the daggers will be flying.

I plan on laughing till my sides ache. Life is way too short to live in the past. I love my life and my family, the whole extended mess of it. I want my daughter and my nephew to remember this as a happy, loving time when all of their family was together, celebrating Kyle’s achievements. My nephew is one of the greatest kids you will ever meet and I certainly hope that the animosity my ex husbands family feels towards my sister and I doesn’t mar his day or make him uncomfortable in any way.


Unfortunately, people get married, people get divorced. It doesn’t always have to be high drama, there doesn’t have to be a good guy and a bad guy. Marriages are made by imperfect people in an imperfect world, is it really a surprise that we divorce?

Friday, May 15, 2009

Who are we kidding?

It’s Friday, always a very happy day. I’m looking forward to the weekend, going to make some martini’s and watch the world go by. Not really, we are leaving for New Mexico and Kyle’s graduation a week from today so I have lots to do to make sure everything is ready for me to go.

Since I can’t sit and watch the world go by this weekend I’ve been doing it today at work.( Sorry, boss!) Listening to people talk always makes me think- Do I do that? As human beings, most of the time, we are so busy not taking responsibility for the things in our lives that are wrong, but boy do we have time to point out to everyone else what’s wrong with theirs! We don’t want anyone to look at our lives so we keep saying, look over here, look over there, look at what they are doing, yadda, yadda, yadda, look anywhere but at me because I don’t want you to see that I’m not perfect.

I know I do this, dammit, I will try to stop. I always point out to everyone how crappy I think their man is, well, have you met mine? Yeah, not winning any boyfriend of the year awards. Of course I always justify it, I love my sister/ friend so much, and they deserve so much better, why can’t they see that so and so is not good enough for them? On and on and on it goes, because, really, I do know what’s best for everyone except myself, apparently!

Take a look at yourself, do you do this? I bet you do and are not even aware of it. I don’t think we do it to be mean, I think it’s a weird form of self preservation. I don’t know if that makes sense to you but it makes perfect sense to me!


Some examples I’ve seen of this, just today, without even looking-

One of the ladies I work with has to be the saddest person I’ve ever met. She is the first person popping her head up when there is gossip, she loves to repeat it, and embellish it while she’s doing it. She tells us all these stories about what a butt munch her husband is, I mean, the man sleeps with prostitutes, ALL THE TIME! But she is always saying how bad someone else’s marriage is and how very sad it is that so and so puts up with such and such. Hello? Do you have a mirror? Because you should be talking to yourself.

Another lady is always talking about how irresponsible her daughter is, how she charges everything on credit cards, even though she can’t afford it. Then, in the very next breath she talks about the stuff she ordered online or the trip she is going to take, all paid for with her credit card.

Then there is the woman who runs to HR tattling about every little thing any one does, but she sits in the break room and talks about the men she had sex with over the weekend, how much she drank, etc, etc.

And, lest you think it is only the women who do this, there is a man who sits with his scriptures at his desk, doing dirty deals so he can meet his quota, talking about how bad the world is, and how hard he is trying not to let his children be influenced by the immoral people in the world.

Ok, that is today’s rant. I promise to be better, because every time I point at someone else there are three other fingers pointing right back at me, I should pay attention to that.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Laughter

What makes you happy? Not deep down in your soul happy, we all say the same thing to that question- my kids, my family, my friends, my dogs. Yadda, yadda, yadda. I guess I mean what makes you laugh out loud like a little kid, possibly forcing milk out of your nose. I read somewhere once ( probably the internet!) that the average five year old laughs like 300 times a day and the average adult 5. Well, this is one area where I am so far above average that I may still qualify as a five year old.

What really makes me laugh? Hearing a song on the radio that tickles my funny bone. We all have one, right now mine is called Chickenfried. WTF? It makes me laugh every time I hear it.

Watching someone sing along to the radio at a stop light, especially the people who are really into it and are singing like they are the next American Idol- that makes me laugh, not at them, with them, they are enjoying their life right at that moment no matter what else is going on.

My dogs, make me laugh, watching the little dance they do with each other for yard domination, kills me! First I throw a toy, both dogs run to get it, if Pierre gets it he starts to prance his little ass back to me while Clementine runs interference. Then, he looks at her and drops the toy, knowing how badly she wants it. Clementine picks the toy up and trots over to me and drops it, not close enough that I can throw it, then she looks at me and growls. Meanwhile, Pierre is waiting for his chance, he wants to be dominant dog, so as soon as Clementine lowers her head to pick the toy up again, he is on it! I mean seriously on it, Clementine is trying to get the toy and Pierre is humping the hell out of her head. Now Mo and I have a saying when something is jacked up- Stop humping her head, seriously, no one likes that! So the dogs make me laugh with their domination dance.

My daughter, for all the reasons that she believes make me wish I had some other child living in my house. Mo is clumsy, like tripping over her hair clumsy, even though its only shoulder length- that takes true talent. And she writes I love Mommy in sidewalk chalk on the back patio, priceless.

Katie Cole, if you ever met her I don’t need to say another word but for those of you who don’t know her, she is the funniest person ever and has no idea. We generally scare the crap out of each other in the morning, even though we know we both get up at the same time, basically the middle of the night- 5am- but it still causes both of us to jump the first time we see each other in the morning and then we go into the bathroom to brush our teeth, still giggling cause we scared each other, what a bunch of nerds.

My mother and bear in the big blue house, I’m not going to say anything else, but I’m laughing my ass off right now!

Just a small sampling of the random things that can change my mood. What are yours? What makes you laugh so hard you cry? Who makes you laugh? Do you laugh enough? I think laughing makes you live longer, and if that is true, I’m going to live pretty much forever and your great grandchildren will laugh till milk comes out their noses when they see me riding on my Jazzy in my big purple hat with my underwear on the outside of my pants, eating cake.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

MIracles

Today I am grateful. Thank you God, for my child.

I have been talking with one of the ladies at work and she was telling me about her friend who has been trying so hard to have a baby. Eight long years of doctors and tests and she is finally pregnant.

I remember it well. I’m so very blessed to have my little Mo in my life. We struggled with infertility for several years. We lost three babies, the specialists told us we would never have a biological child. What a devastating sentence that is.

I remember crying, screaming when I was home alone. Hating the world. Hating all of my friends and family for their beautiful healthy babies, that seemed to come so easily to them. Teenage girls can have babies, why couldn’t I?

I remember thinking “What have I done to deserve having this happen to me?” When the days were at their hardest, when I believed I would never have a child and railed at how unfair it all was. Why me God, what did I ever do to deserve this? Why am I not good enough? Now I think, what have I done to deserve being her Mom? I’m in no way worthy of having this wonderful human being call me Mom, but I am thankful every minute for that privilege.

Infertility treatment was a nightmare and the best thing that ever happened to me, all rolled into one. A nightmare because no one should ever have to live through that hormonal roller coaster, and that includes the husbands of us crazy women, a nightmare because you can’t help but hope, dream, think that this time everything is going to be ok. The best thing because of Mo. Thank God for IVF. My beautiful perfect little test tube baby.

I should try harder to remember this when she is making me crazy. I love my beautiful baby girl in all her grown up teenage, eye rolling, messy room, back talking, attitude bound self. She is the sun that shines in my world and I am thankful and blessed.

Twitter, Facebook and blogs

I’m addicted to Twitter. I know how that sounds, but I need these updates. I follow Ellen, Oprah, CNN, Time and of course Demi and Ashton. Not to mention the people who’s blogs I follow. I follow their tweets as well.

Does anyone really need to know this much information about me? About anyone? Is there really anything anyone needs to know about what goes on at my desk while I’m at work?

Tweets are short, to the point, not much information, so we keep sending them. It’s almost like having our very own tabloid updates. We are a world of voyeurs and we want to know that we are important enough that the world is hanging on our every thought, every word, every moment by moment disaster.

So I tweet, get updates on my phone, all day long. I had to turn the sound off for my text messages. My phone goes off so much is sounds like I know a million people. Not true, it’s just updates on normal lives.

It’s really no different than this blog. Why do I blog? Why does anyone? I have a lot to say, words pour out of me so often I feel like I never shut up. A blog is a place to do that without having to watch people’s eyes glaze over as you talk.

Validation. That’s the bottom line. I’m important, I have things to say that people want to hear, maybe even agree with. I follow my blog friends religiously. I want to know what is going on in their lives, what their kids are doing, what is the latest gossip around their neighborhood water cooler.

Friendship. Everything and everyone is so crazy today, work, kids activities, going to the gym, volunteering, things to do around the house. Who has time to connect with friends on a face to face basis. These invisible people on Twitter and Facebook and my blog, are my friends. I can catch up with them when it’s convenient for me. I can laugh about what the kids did at midnight, if that’s when I have the time.

I’m losing touch so quickly with the day to day people in my life, because we all have busy lives. My best friend Trina calls me either on her way to work, when I’m at work and the phone is ringing off the hook, or on her way home from work, when I’m fixing dinner and reconnecting with my teenager. Neither time is good for me, but those are the times that are best for her. She has a husband, a house full of boys, a grandbaby, a job, not to mention the rest of her family. The time she has in the car is the only time she can talk and gossip uninterrupted. Doesn’t work for me, so I wind up cutting our conversations short and missing her more every day.

But, the people who live in my computer are always available, whenever I have time for them, they have time for me. I can read and feel connected, and not feel like I’m being a bad friend if I don’t return a call for days, or read their blog until 2am. So thank you fellow bloggers, tweeters and internet friends in general. Thank you for the updates, the laughs, the things that make me think. Thanks for being there. I hope I’m there for you too

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Sisters

   My youngest sister just moved in with me. I'm very excited. My niece already lives with me so now it's just us four girls. Well, for a little while, my nephew will spend a month with us in June, before he starts his real life.
   
   My baby sister's youngest child graduates from high school next week. It's hard to believe that our baby boy is graduating and turning 18. The time flew by. He lives in New Mexico with his Dad and stepmom and is already taking college classes and working, he has always been such a great kid.
 
   I'm looking forward to this summer with my sisters, my daughter and my nieces. It feels like we are all in a really good place as far as our family relationship goes, and that doesn't always happen!
 
   I just realized both of today's blogs have been about the babies growing up, I'm getting old, were did the little kids go?
  


Windows Live™: Keep your life in sync. Check it out.

Wishing it away

I can’t believe my baby girl is almost 16. Last night when I came home from my sister’s house she was printing out the invitations to her birthday party.This is the first year she will have separate family and friend parties. They will be on the same day but the family earlier in the day, then the friends will come.

I’m so glad that I have a good relationship with my ex husband, supervising twenty teenagers alone is not my idea of a good time. My ex will come and the kids will be better behaved because of it. I’m a pushover, I’m the Mom that can be talked into just about anything, there will be cake fights and water balloons, its tradition.

I sat last night and looked at the birthday pictures from years past, her first, her second with all our of new friends in Utah, her princess party when she turned six, the cake fight from her thirteenth. Where did the time go?

I remember, not that long ago, when we thought we would never have a child. The failed pregnancies that came first, the specialists telling us to check into adoption because we would never have a biological child. Then, like a ray of sunshine, there she was.

Everything has passed so quickly. I remember everyone saying, enjoy her now, she will grow so fast. I thought I enjoyed her babyhood and toddlerhood and elementary age, but it passed so quickly, I didn’t know!

It’s unfair that when you are in the middle of it, you can’t see the beauty in it, then it passes and you look back and there was nothing but beauty. Why didn’t I listen? Why didn’t I sit on the floor and play Barbies with her more, instead of cleaning the house. Why didn’t we adjust our standard of living so I could be home, making lunch and mudpies with her, instead of her daycare mom? Why did I raise my voice, why was I impatient, why did I only see the ruined walls and not the pride on her face when she and Jax drew all over the walls in her room and the playroom.

I remember thinking that each age was the best age, one month, six months, a year, two years, but still, always anticipating the next stage that was going to make my life easier.
I can’t wait until she can hold her own bottle, feed herself, walk, dress herself, talk, take a bath by herself, the list goes on and on.

I guess that’s why we have grandchildren, and why grandchildren get grandparents. We’ve already been through this once so with our children’s children we can see the beauty in their messes and know, first hand, how quickly this will pass. And like all the parents who came before us, we will tell our children, slow down, enjoy your babies, they will grow too quickly. They will roll their eyes at us while they balance the baby on their shoulder and get the two year old out of the dog food and think that we are crazyand that life would be so much easier when the kids are older and they can’t wait until…………

Monday, May 11, 2009

Today is the day!

How many times have you heard, “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.” But have you ever really felt like that? I mean really just bounce out of bed knowing that wonderful things await you?

I woke up this morning with such a sense of delight and anticipation, like it really is the first day of the rest of my life. I’m not sure what caused this wonderful sense of impending greatness, but whatever it is, I’m loving it.

Yesterday my sisters and I had a bbq with our daughters for Mother’s Day. It was so much fun. My sisters make me laugh harder than almost anyone else. I always enjoy spending time with them.

It was somewhat of a throw back to when our daughters were little. Our girls are 21, 16 and 15 and the three of them were drawing on the patio with sidewalk chalk, just like when they were little girls, laying on their tummies, getting up covered in chalk dust. It was so much fun, even the dogs got in on it. Clementine had a yellow/green side and Pierre had pink paws. It was a blast.

After the bbq M came over for a while. I put it out there like I haven’t before. I told him I won’t be his sometime girl and that he needs to grow up. He asked me to help him be a man and I told him- Not my job!

It felt very liberating. I discussed my plans and goals with him, and for the first time in a long time there wasn’t a spot in my future reserved for him. It feels so good to be able to look at him and say, this is no longer where I want to be. I want to date a man, not a little boy, and this morning I woke up excited about that opportunity.

Maybe I’m finally growing up!

I feel like I’m in a really good place with my writing as well. I know that is what I want to do, I’m not sure what that’s going to look like but I want to write, all the time. I’ve applied to write a blog for an online dating site and I’m excited to hear back from them. I’m going to keep looking for those opportunities and jump on them as soon as they become available. My short term goal is to be able to support myself with my writing by the time Mo graduates for high school so that gives me two years to get this going!

In my future I see myself watching the birds in the backyard while I have my morning coffee, thinking about the day’s work. I want to be able to garden while coming up with new story ideas, volunteer during the day and use the quiet hours of the night to write. I want to be able to participate in my own life in a way that has not been possible up until now because I am always chasing that paycheck.

I want the fear in my life to go away. The fear that comes with having your fate be controlled by someone else. Companies, boyfriends, family, bosses, all of those people who shape my life on a daily basis but not necessarily with my best interests at heart. After all, we are all human and to be human is to be selfish and think about what we need and what’s in it for us. I want to be done with all of that. I want to do away with the fear and the selfishness and live in abundance.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life, and finally, I feel ready for it.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

I love to garden


Have I mentioned how much I love to garden? I do, really, nothing makes me happier than playing in the dirt. I spend all winter looking for that first sign of spring, a bird, a bee, a little green poking through the brown, and I'm happy.

To me, Mother's Day is the first official day of spring. When I was married our ritual was go to the local garden shop and buy Mom whatever I wanted for Mother's day and then let me spend all day planting it.

I still think that is the best gift going. Last year I had just moved into my house and my best friend, Trina, and our husand, Clay, ( notice the OUR, it's very important), came over, even though their daughter in law was in labor with their first grandchild, and spent all day digging up the sod and planting a beautiful flower bed for me. I think of them everytime I look at those flowers.

This year I couldnt' wait, I started the veggie garden in March and have been steadily planting since them. The important thing to note is that my yard is one tenth of an acre and I've already spent Mo's college fund planting it!

Today my sister Terrie bought me four rose bushes for Mother's Day so I put in a new flower bed. As I stood back to look at this masterpiece I thought of all the roses I don't have and started looking around for more garden space. I have a veggie garden and now three flower beds, there must be more flowers!

First I need to figure out what is the absolute minimum yard space that two ten pound dogs need to do their business. Maybe I should just litter box train them and do away with the back yard completely.

Decisions, decisions, how long to dogs live anyway? They pee on the carpet quite a bit, maybe if I just put carpet in the little box that will speed up the process.

So little time and so many things to google.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

It's only chicken people!!!

Today's blog is more of a rant. I cannot believe the way some people behave!

I had to run some errands after work today so to entice Mo to go with me I told her we could use the free KFC coupons and get chicken for dinner. Sometimes you just have to bride teenagers, oh and I told her I wouldn't tell anyone she ate at KFC because of the way they treat the chickens, so if you see her, you know nothing!

Anyway, we go in, and the cute little girl behind the counter, looking all of 16 at her very first job, sweetly explains to us that due to the high demand KFC has to offer us a raincheck. She was very apologetic and just an all around polite kid.

No big deal, we were still hungry and I had promised the kid KFC so we ordered dinner and sat down to wait for it. There was a steady stream of people with their coupons clutched in their sweaty hands looking for free chicken, but alas, it was not to be. They were all very polite about it, took their rain checks and got on with their lives.

Until..........................A couple walks in, mid to late forties, coupons at the ready. The little girl behind the counter tries to explain the problem and before she can even get to the part about the raincheck, this man, if you can call him a man, starts yelling at her.

" So KFC is backing out of this coupon." he yells, eyes bulging.
" No sir," the very kind counter girl says, " We are giving you this rain check..."
" I dont' want a raincheck, I have a coupon in my hand that says you will give me free chicken and I want free chicken!" Mr. Obnoxious customer yells.
" I'm sorry sir..."
" I don't care if you are sorry, I want my free chicken!" He rants, as his wife stands calmly by his side.

You get the idea, this went on for at least five minutes, him yelling, telling her he is hungry now and is going to use his coupon, her calming stating the thing her manager told her to say, over and over again.

Finally he tells the rest of the people eating what a rip off this is as he stomps out the door. The kind child behind the counter says, " I apologize sir."

And this idiot actually opens the door and says, like a five year old " Apology not accepted!"

Really? This is how adults act? It was free chicken for hells sake. He and his lovely wife drove up in a very nice SUV with a coupon from the internet, printed, mostly likely from their printer connected to their computer at home, but they really only had this option for dinner?

I understand being inconvenienced when a corporation changes the rules. It happens to all of us, it's annoying, it's irritating, it can give your day a bad start. Very rarely is it life changing.

Do you really need to take it out on the child behind the counter making a lousy six bucks an hour to put up with people like you? How bad is your life if you have to treat people like this? And what about that wife? She stood calmly by his side while he treated this child so poorly, how bad is her life?

Ok, enough, I'm just still amazed at his behaviour.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Word Vomit

It's quite obvious today that I have no idea what to do with myself when I'm home from work. My day has been quite eventful in a totally boring, attention deficit kind of way.

I've fixed myself numerous things to eat, even drove to McDonalds, none of which I ate because I'm sick- remember?- so I can't really taste anything.

Seriously thought about cleaning the garage, for about 30 seconds, then realized the trash hadn't been picked up and both the trash can and the recycling can are full, so that went out the door.

Watched two movies- unbelievable- I dont' usually watch two movies in a month! Nights in Rodanthe- very lovely, there is life and love for us after a divorce- but he's going to die in some freak storm, of course Richard Gere always looks good. And Marley and Me, seems to be a day for tear jerkers, the dog movie made me cry more than the love story, what does that say about me?

What can I say, I love my dogs, even though they think peeing on the floor is a good time.

And I've written, and written and written, I'm even twittering, or whatever it's called. Lots of words are falling out of me today. Time to work on some of the novels, hopefully I still have some good stuff left to say.

Home Repair for the Single Woman





I did it! After five years of untangling and disengaging myself, legally and financially, from my ex-husband, I bought a home of my own! Nineteen hundred square feet of beautiful, wallpapered space, and it’s mine, all mine!

First thing I did upon getting the keys to my castle was to walk around and make a Honey Do List. How fun! All these tiny little things my home needs, and I am going to do them all by myself!

Ok, number one, the saddle valve from the water line to the swamp cooler leaks, so I get on line and research the repair. Piece of cake, they cost about eight bucks and take ten minutes to fix. I turn off the water to the house and head to the hardware store.

I strut through the hardware store; I am a woman on a mission, outta my way! I find the saddle valve without having to ask for help, one more point for this independent woman, use the self checkout and I’m back home before the dog misses me.

After neatly assembling all the tools I will need, (how very proactive of me), I unscrew the saddle valve, it starts leaking, just a little. No big deal, I think there is probably just a little water left in the line. I unscrew the valve and remove it, water starts spraying everywhere! What is going on? I turned the water off, where is this water coming from? I’m trying to shove the saddle valve back in the hole in the water line, no luck. As I try to cover the hole in the pipe, water is spraying everywhere, my eyes, my hair, the wall. I’m doing a very strange little hopping dance, hoping there is nothing in this room that will electrocute me now that it’s wet. Didn’t I see these moves in Flashdance twenty years ago? Of course, Jennifer Beals looked much better with wet hair than I do. What a feeling.

I’m standing in the utility room in the basement, dripping wet, with my finger over the hole in the pipe, like the Dutch boy with his finger in the dam, trying to figure out what to do. I’m home alone, my cell phone is upstairs, and what would I say if I could call someone? Hello, idiot alert, I’m flooding my basement, please don’t send firemen, they have water hoses, I need the opposite of firemen, someone to suck all the water up.

Finally, in a moment of inspiration I think about the trash can in the basement bath, if I run really fast I can get that, put it under the fountain while I run upstairs and get my phone and, well, I don’t know what, I haven’t gotten that far, but I’m tired of standing in the basement with my finger in a hole!

I let go of the pipe and run to the bathroom, dump the trash on the floor, run back to the utility room and the water is slowing down to a trickle. I guess since I already had my shower the house didn’t feel the need to let anymore water out.

Now I’m glad I didn’t call anyone. I choose to be alone with my soggy basement. I put on the new saddle valve, not quite as proud as I was when the basement was still dry and make a mental note- Always, always drain all water lines before unscrewing anything!
Next up, repairing sprinkler pipes- at least that water will drain down into the ground and not in my face.

Swine flu- seriously people!

Can't a girl not feel good and not have some highly contagious, weird disease? I mean, come on! I started feeling yucky on Friday and by Sunday night I had chills and a sore throat, nothing major, I even went to work on Monday.

I heard " Get the clorox wipes, she's got the swine" more times than I think was necessary, but I guess everyone has to fear something. Then I went walking with my sister and she was also convinced that it was swine flu and I was infecting her.

I came home. feeling much worse after walking for an hour and finally took my temperature, 101.7, ok, let's call insta care.

I went in, they made me wear a mask and not sit with other people, it was strep. Simple little strep, well maybe not so simple, I certainly felt like shit.

However, I did find out that my teenager, who seems to think I'm no more human than most ATM's, has a nurturing side. She made me hot tea with honey and lemon, heated up the rice packs to put in bed with me when I was shaking from the chills, and got up in the middle of the night to bring me ibuprofen when the fever and chills were killing me. Thank you my sweet little Mo, I am one lucky Momma!

Today I am much better, instead of chills I'm sweating, can't tell if it's from the strep or if it's just hot flashes run amok, either way, the bath tub sure feels good today. Not the greenest activity in the world, taking four or five baths a day, but it feels oh so wonderful.

I'm off to curl up on the couch with a book, the guilty pleasures of being sick. It certainly is nice to have an entire day to do nothing. I keep making a list in my head of all the things I could get done since I'm home anyway, clean the garage, mow the front yard, finish sanding the spare room...... it goes on and on. But I think, just this once, I'm going to take care of me and do absolutely nothing.......if I could just get someone to bring me some food, I'd have it made!

Oh, one more thing. I am trying to take a step everyday towards living my dream ( that whole writing thing) so in addition to writing my stories every day, I started today, applying for freelance writing positions. I'll let you know how it goes!

Friday, May 1, 2009

Bay's cake



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The cake lady

Somehow, in the course of my job as H's mom, I've become the birthday cake lady. I don't know how it happened but, if you are under 16 and know me, chances are I've made at least one of your birthday cakes.

I'm don't want you to think I'm good at this, just inventive! I can take box cake mixes, canned frosting, round and square cake pans and turn them into a birthday cake only a child can love.

I think it started with my brother T, when he was ten and crazy about the Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles, I made the four turtle heads, complete with eye scarf thingy's in the correct colors! It's snowballed from there.

So far, and just off the top of my head I have made, a bunch of balloons, a flower, Christmas lights, a castle, doll cakes, boobies ( not for the children), elmo, dora the explorer, a train, blocks, a childs name, and a football that was clearly an intoxicated mistake since it was for my neice's first birthday- the only thing that saved me was the December birthday and the Sunday party- the football looked like it was on purpose!

Why am I rambling about cakes you ask? I like cake, mixing them, baking them, cutting them, frosting them and of course eating them.

I sent a pic of the flower cake I made for B's first birthday party tomorrow, and sent it from my phone, so far, it hasn't shown up- maybe it will and you will see how immensely talented I am. Or maybe that's just better left to the imagination!

Childhood............

Yesterday I was talking with a friend at work and somehow the conversation wound it's way to kids today and the differences between us and them. Jill and I both have teenage daughters who cannot imagine sharing a room with a sibling, let alone two or three. We found ourselves reminiscing about the rooms we shared over the course of our childhoods.


I shared a bedroom, more often than not, sometimes with one sibling, sometimes with three. My brother, who is eighteen months younger than me, and I shared a room until I was ten and my parents decided that as the only boy he deserved his own space. There were times I hated sharing a room, no privacy, I could never be alone, but the flip side of that is the wonderful moments I shared with my siblings that I would never have had otherwise.

When I learned to read I remember turning the lamp on the bedside table on and putting a blanket over it to hide the light from my parents, and reading to my brother from the books I brought home from school. My brother thought I could do anything, that I was the most amazing, smartest sister in the world.


I also remember my brother taking a spanking for something I had convinced him to do and then pretended I knew nothing about. We used to sneak out the bedroom window when we were supposed to be napping, I always made him go first and peek around the side of the house to see if Mom was outside, if she wasn't then we could make our way through the neighbors yard and an hour of sweet freedom. If she was out there, chatting with the neighbors, then we had to take a nap. John always got caught if Mom was in the front yard, he was little and chubby and not fast at all, so he would poke his head around and someone would see him.

I can still see Mom leading him by the arm, back into the bedroom, Johnny walking on his toes while Mom swats his bottom. And where was his sister, his hero? Curled up on my side, pretending with all my might that I was asleep. Amazingly, he still trusted me, every time.

My sisters, that was a circus. I'm the oldest so they had to do what I said, like it or not. Worked out for me most of the time, except that Terrie was a tattletale so anytime she didn't like what I did, she told on me. John was much easier to manipulate than the girls.

The noise, the mess, staying up all night talking and giggling, or shutting each other out and refusing to speak. I remember one house we lived in where all four of us shared a room and a bed. I loved having them all there with me. At times our lives were so unpredictable and we didn't always know where we were going to live or what we were going to eat, but we always had each other. Even though I bossed them around and was meaner than necessary, I worried about them so much, so when we shared a room, I always waited until they fell asleep, then I would allow myself to go to sleep, it was my job to take care of them, and sharing a room made that so much easier.

I remember being jealous of my friends with their own rooms, decorated the way they liked, with all their pretty girly things that no one else touched or snooped through. I was so jealous. Today, I wouldn 't trade it for anything and I feel bad that my daughter will never know what it's like to share a room with someone who annoys you more than anyone else on the planet, but who also shares your history and your heart.

I love my siblings, thanks Mom and Dad for giving them to me!