Thursday, July 30, 2009

Have sisters, will travel

Tahoe was beautiful, the weather was wonderful, the casino's were not overly greedy, the food was good, there was a bar at the pool. What more can anyone ask for?

Oh, and my sisters were there. These two women hold my heart in their hands, and now that we are adults, they are gentle with it. They make me laugh harder than anyone else, we have that secret language, just a look and we know what the other is thinking, we have so many inside jokes, everything makes us laugh.

Who else but your sister can peel your bathing suit off you, under your dress, poolside without anyone else seeing your girlie goods? Who else always packs a cooler of alcohol for the beach? Who else wouldn't get mad about the 500th short joke? My sisters. They are amazing and I love them.

Their ring tone on my phone is My sister, My friend by Reba. These lyrics describe what sisters mean to each other, even when they don't say it enough. I love you both, and I'm so glad you are my sisters.

It's late and I should go
But I can't hang up the phone
Until I tell you
What I don't tell you enough
Even though at times it seemed
We were more like enemies
I'd do it all again
My sister my friend

Pat Sajak, in the house!

So, we went to Tahoe, the end. Pretty boring, eh? Well not our trip, no sirree bob. There was fun, there were games, and don't forget the excitement!

Anyone who has ever driven ten hours to the land of water and lost dreams knows car trips can be excrutiatingly painful. Not so for us. Why you might ask? Well we brought our very own Pat Sajak.

Jon is a very entertaining fellow, no one really asked him how he felt about traveling with three sisters, we just kinda roped him into it. But he did good, he did better than good- he entertained us the whole trip.

This was very different than the car trips we took together as children. Not once did anyone say, she's touching me, she's looking at me, and no one got shoved into the side of the car either.........ah, the good old days.

We played Name that Tune with Ipods, freaking hilarious. At times we had to sing the song all the way to the chorus before we got it, there was lots of laughing. Jon didn't stand a chance against us. Well, I should say against Terrie, she is the one note queen. Angie and are look like old ladies, squinting really hard, cause that helps us hear better, and Terrie already knows it. Damn her!

And then came Trivial Pursuit. If you haven't played that going 70 miles an hour, you should try it sometime. I found out there are some competitive people in my family, not me, but that other sister in the back..........and her boyfried!

I'm not competitve, I keep my mouth shut until I kick your butt and then I rub it in for the next three hundred miles! Just for the record, I suck at this game, I don't watch TV, paid no attention in school and struggle to form complete sentences, yet somehow, Angie and I beat Terrie and Jon three, count 'em, three times!

Woo hoo! Who knew random things like Adam West as Batman and what color Shrek is, live in my mind? No wonder I can't remember where I live, I'm too busy storing up useless trivia for a long car ride!

Friday, July 24, 2009

A trip down memory lane.......

I’m feeling very nostalgic today. I think it may have something to do with the fact that Mo has my car and is out visiting friends and I’m sitting here thinking, “ Where has the time gone?” I’ve made myself laugh thinking about some things from the past so I thought I would share them.

The following is a list of the people I love and what comes to mind when I think of them.. Some good things, some bad things, but all a part of my life

My Momma
There are so many things I remember, not all of them lovely, as you know, but some of the best still make me smile. I remember you were the prettiest Mom in Yorktown, we were proud you were our Mom.

My brother John
I remember when we moved to Yorktown, it was raining and Danny had that damn truck that stalled all the time and he would have to get it rolling and pop the clutch to start it. You were in the back of the truck and me and Mom and the girls were in the car behind you. The truck stalled and Danny popped the clutch, you grabbed the side of the truck but it was wet from the rain and your hand slipped. You were hanging off the chain that served as a tailgate, I thought you were going to fall and die. That was the most scared I had been in my life, up to that point. I remember jumping out of Mom’s car while it was still moving and running behind the truck screaming, finally getting to you and lifting you off that chain. So thankful you were ok.
I remember when you dressed as a woman for Halloween and I was jealous because you looked better in that dress than I did!

My sister Terrie
I remember standing in Nan’s living room, singing into hairbrushes and pretending we were Loretta Lynn and Tammy Wynette.
I remember your Rick Springfield cardboard cut out scaring me to death when I was trying to sneak in!

My sister Angie
I remember being afraid flys would fly up your nose when you were an infant and suffocate you. What? I was seven, it could happen!
I remember your little yellow coat.

My brother Tony
I remember sitting in the back of Mom’s car, holding you all the way home from the hospital, back in the days your baby didn’t have to be in a car seat. You keep looking at me with just one eye, like Popeye
I remember when you hated mashed potatoes and Angie convinced you not to eat peas by telling you there were mashed potatoes inside.

My Daddy
I remember telling you that Mommy was mad because you were drinking and you just smiled and said “Hot damn” You were the best Daddy!

My cousin Tink
I remember when you lived with us and you were making those flowers, I can’t remember how did it but it was some kind of wire and you dipped them in something, I don’t know, but I thought you were amazing and wanted to be just like you.

My cousin Janet
I remember staying with you in the summer when we were teenagers and sneaking out when Aunt Joann thought we were asleep and then having to hide so we didn’t get caught by the cops breaking curfew. Small town life.
I remember painting our nails at Grandma’s in New York, listening to Cher. Gypsy’s Tramps and Thieves.

My Dudley family
I remember trips to Indian Acres and Rosie and Kenny singing around the campfire. “Where have all the flowers gone” still makes me cry. I used to sing that to Mo when she was a baby.
I remember Grandma always working, even when I visited her in the summer, she worked at the Instant Beer Machine. I remember the tshirt she got me in Hong Kong.
I remember Uncle Sam making me mad because he refused to stop calling me Missi the summer I decided I was too old for it.

There are so many things I remember. I remember that Nanny had the softest skin ever and that she loved me, even when I was unlovable. Pop Pop knew everything, what I would give to talk to him again. Grandma Dudley, telling me she wasn’t sure if she didn’t work anymore because she was retired or because she was retarded. I remember Grandma crying because I slept with my head covered up and my feet sticking out, just like my Dad.

This could get very long. There are so many people I love and so many things that I remember about them. I’m so very blessed to have them all in my life.

Good times

It's been a while since I'm written a post, life has been it's normal, crazy, delicious self. I had a third date with internet guy #1, let's just say I cannot date a man who cheats at golf, especially when he doesn't call it cheating.

Mo is home, we went to the Kenny Chesney concert last night. It was 104 degrees and the concert was outside at the stadium. Even though we both wore summer dresses we were reduced to puddles of sweat.

The music was awesome, the people watching was incredible, but the best part? Hanging with my baby. It's not often that my grown up, too cool for me, baby girl, hangs with her momma. Several times I reminded her why she doesn't hang with me, like when I couldn't figure out how to take a pic of us with my phone. You can tell how mentally challenged she thinks I am by the look on her face in the attached picture. She wasn't happy about me dancing either, tried to pretend she didn't know me, but during her favorite songs she stood up and sang and danced right along with me.

I'm more grateful for those moments than you know!

We leave for Tahoe this weekend so no more blogs for about a week but I promise to take notes about everything I see, especially the stuff that makes me laugh and fill you in when I get back.

I may be the thing that makes me laugh, I bought a new, itty, bitty bikini, yikes!~

Thursday, July 16, 2009

The people I work with are crazy. Crazy, fun and very inventive. Today we were working on updating some equipment lists that include mammogram machines. We were talking about customer responses to our inquiries. Joyce said one of her customers said they purchased the machine in Canada and paid next to nothing for it.

That started us talking about if the machines were properly calibrated, etc. Joyce said diagnostic imaging centers were not held to the same standards as hospitals when it comes to making sure everything is calibrated and maintained.

Here is the conversation and brainstorming session that followed.

Me- All of my mammograms but the first one were done at hospitals, the first one was done at a freestanding place.

Joyce- Freestanding? Like a kiosk at the mall?

Jared- That's what it made me think of too.

Me- No, freestanding, like at a clinic not a hospital.

Jared- I just had a business idea, let's purchase a machine and take it the mall. You can get your mammogram done while you shop, no appointment necessary.

Cathy- What would you call it? You know, a catchy name like Fetal Foto's.

Pam- How about Baby Shots?

Joyce- Baby shots? ( At this point we had to explain, babies drink from them, like a shot of milk)

A few more names were tossed around before Jared came up with the winner.

Jared- Healthy Hooters

Joyce- That's it Jared, you can have Tshirts made that say " I got my mammogram at Healthy Hooters" " Boobs Certified by Healthy Hooters"

Cathy- You can't use the owl eyes for hooters, you'll get in trouble.

Me- No, we'll use the pink breast cancer awareness ribbons for the O's

Jared- We'll put the machine by the kiddies rides

Me- Ok, boob machine, kiddie rides and massage chairs for Daddy

Jared- Then the whole family goes for ice cream, sounds like a win for everyone.

They pay me to do this. Can you believe it?

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Be afraid, be very afraid

Yesterday I came home from work and I think aliens abducted my child and replaced her with a smiling, happy clone!

Her room was clean- something she has probably only done five times in her life, and those other times, I was standing over her with a whip refusing to let her out until it was clean, this time, she did it without me asking.

Laundry, she actually did some laundry! A load of jeans, granted she didn’t have any clean ones but in the past she would have just worn dirty jeans or pj pants. Then after she got the jeans out she started another load and asked me if I could put it in the dryer since she was staying the night at her friends.

Who is she and what has she done with my daughter? Hmmm, is this the beginning of the whole growing up, maturing thing?

I could get used to this!

Christmas in July

Is anyone else thinking about Christmas already? I had a confession, I just took the Christmas lights off the house on Saturday and now I’m thinking about Christmas. Last year was our first Christmas in the house and I have to say, it may well be the only year there are lights on the house.

I’m afraid of heights. I’m scared putting up the lights and then I have a hard time talking myself into taking them down. So this year I think just a nice wreath on the door and one of those electric candle thingy’s in each window. Maybe some garland around the garage door, but no more lights on the roof.

I love Christmas, Mo thinks I get carried away, last year we had three trees. They were all very beautiful.

Today I made my list, list of people to buy for, ideas of what to buy, things I would like to make if I just had 24 more hours in every day. And Mo’s list.

This year I will get Christmas cards out. I will bake for two months. I will not get overwhelmed. I will be finished with everyone’s gift, except Mo’s by Thanksgiving. I will enjoy the season. I will do Sub for Santa. I will take Mo and her sister to see Santa. I will make a huge dinner and be surrounded by those I love. I will be grateful.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Internet date number two

Second date with S. Ok, his name is Steve and his ex wife’s name is Carol, what are the chances?

For our second date we went out to dinner with his nephew and his wife and their baby. Very cute baby, huge blue eyes, and just as happy as he could be. Dinner was great, it was a restaurant I hadn’t been to, the food was really good. I need to go back there and take Mo, she would like it.

After dinner we went back to his nephew’s house and had daiquiri’s. We had fun talking and getting to know each other, it was kind of nice that there was another couple, no need to worry about a dead spot in the conversation.

Sunday morning he brought me flowers. Ugh. I hate when this happens. He is a very nice man but I don’t think we are from the same world, or move in the same circles.

Why do I feel like I have to find something wrong with him? It’s so hard to explain when I tell people, he’s just not right for me, then they ask why they want details. I can’t explain it so it would almost be easier to say he is a horrible person. He’s not, he’s very sweet, attentive, all the things I’m looking for.

BUT, I don’t want the life he can offer. I know that sounds very, very shallow, but it’s the truth. I’ve worked very hard to not struggle every day. It scares me when a man my age is still struggling, financially, like we did when we were younger. I don’t want to go backwards, it’s time to think about the rest of my life, and I don’t want that to include mountains of debt and never being able to travel or take vacations because we are broke.

Now I have to find a kind way to tell him, this is always the hardest part. I hate to hurt anyone and I drive myself crazy thinking about it. It was two dates, not a lifetime, I need to get over it, let him down nicely, and move on.

Slow down little girl

Little girls grow up so fast. Today Mo is taking her driving test. She is nervous, I know she will be fine, she’s a good driver.

I can’t believe we are here already. I remember not so very long ago when she wouldn’t let me let go of the seat of her bike, now she is chomping at the bit for me to let go of her, and let her drive.

Don’t fly too far too fast little girl, it will take time for me to adjust, be patient with me, you are my heart.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Butt in the air- but I love you!

I’m not good under pressure, during crisis, in times of trouble. When people need me, really need me, I joke, I poke fun, I pretend it’s all good, nothing bad is really going to happen. Mary freaking Sunshine, as one of my sisters so sweetly called me.

It’s a defense mechanism. If I can laugh, and make someone else laugh, especially someone who is hurting or scared, then it will really be ok. After all, we couldn’t laugh if it wasn’t, right?

All my life I’ve hidden from what is wrong. If you stick your head in the sand, the bad stuff will sail right over you and never even notice you there with your butt in the air.

This only works when the bad stuff that is going to happen applies to someone else, when it applies to me, I stress, obsess, make myself sick. I try to think of the absolute worse thing that could happen, I actually start planning for that possibility so that when the doctor, or who ever says, oh wait, this is dyfocus of the blowhole, not cancer, then I’m hugely relieved, I even feel a little silly for getting everyone so worked up.

That’s what happened with my hysterectomy. They said the “C” word and I shut down. I knew I was gonna die, no need to have surgery, I’m gonna die anyway. Oh well, at least I’ll die with all my parts. Tree begged me to have the surgery, I stubbornly refused, until she wouldn’t stop crying and then I agreed. Still I made plans to die, I knew I was gonna die. I spoke with an attorney about the care and keeping of Mo after I was gone, where would she live, who would take care of her, who would get my insurance money, all of that, I had in place, because I was going to die.

Obviously, I didn’t die, and after the surgery I felt silly for being so melodramatic.

But when other people in my life are sick, I refuse to even say the words. When they thought Tree had thyroid cancer, our kids were five. She called crying, she didn’t want to die, she wanted to see Little Boy Ugly grow up, she didn’t want to lose her hair- and there it was, my in. I absolutely was not going to talk about dying, but I would talk about drawing her eyebrows on and painting daisies on her head. Hair didn’t matter, she was gonna live forever.

Then someone I love was diagnosed with MS. She called, crying, telling me all the things that could happen. I couldn’t wrap my brain around it, she was gonna live forever. So I made her laugh.

“What exactly did the doctor say?”

“He said the results are back and I have MS.”

“He said MS? Not multiple sclerosis?”

“That’s what MS means.” She is trying to be patient with her thick headed friend.

“Well, maybe this time it means, masturbates selfishly, or manually stimulated, or …..”

After a couple seconds of stunned silence, she laughed, through the tears we both laughed. And it helped us get things in perspective.

Now someone else I love is sick. Lupus. Fortunately it is the mild skin type, it’s still a chronic disease and a life long diagnosis. So I do what I can. Buy lots of sunscreen, argue with her stubborn ass about staying out of the sun and tanning beds. And make lots of jokes, it’s what I do.

It’s out of love, although that can be hard to see, I love so strongly I can’t imagine life without these people so I stick my head in the sand and love them the best I can, by making fun of them.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Internet Date Number One

Went golfing last night with S. It was a blast. Since we were not a foursome we were paired with another couple. They were in their 30’s have three young children at home so were just enjoying some kid free time together. The four of us had a blast.

We laughed easily and often. I think the most important thing to look for in a partner is the ability to laugh together. We all have a list of physical attributes that are so important, he must be over 6 feet tall, she must have long hair, he must have hair, she must have big boob, and on an on. Those things will all disappear one day, he will shrink, she will cut her hair, his may fall out, and those boobs, we all know what direction they are headed!

But if you can make each other laugh… that will last. I am trying to give everyone a chance this time around, not make snap judgments. Last night I was pleasantly surprised. S was cuter than his pictures, but more importantly he was kind, attentive and he made me laugh. He also asked me out again, I’m going to go, who knows where things may lead, even if it’s not anywhere I’m making a new friend and having fun.

My friend Joyce always says, “Who would you love if you were blind?” Although neither one of us lives by that when we are looking for people to date, it’s a nice thought. If you were blind you would love the person who speaks to your heart, not your eyes. I’m trying to remember that, and listen to what someone says to my heart.

Why is it so easy to fall in love with the handsome bad boy who is always doing you wrong? We can forgive them almost anything, because they are just so damn sexy, but let a nice guy do anything the slightest bit wrong and he hits the street so fast his head is spinning. And even when you look at what they do wrong, it’s a no brainer, so why do we do it?

Nice guy- 15 minutes late, but he called, we are still mad that he is inconsiderate of our time

Bad boy- 2 hours late because he was drinking with the boys and lost track of time, we are only mad for a minute, he is just too damn cute when he is making excuses!

Nice guy-believes us when we say we don’t want to go anywhere special for our birthday- and we are pissed because he should know us better than that.

Bad boy- it was your birthday? When, not until next month right? ( He’s just so damn cute)

There are many, many examples, I’m tried to remember those when the nice guy I went out with asked me out a second time.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Internet Dating

Internet dating is the bane of my existence. Ugh. I have decided that meeting Mr. Right is just a numbers game. Like anything else the more you date the better your odds are for meeting the person you can’t live without. Or a stalker, take your pick.

I am on several dating websites again. I hate them, hate everything about them. The pictures lie, the profiles lie, the emails you exchange lie, then you meet, and the lies are worthless.

Why can’t people just tell the truth? Don’t post a picture of you twenty years ago. Do you really think that when you meet someone they are not going to notice that you are twenty pounds heavier and bald? Maybe I like big bald guys, you never know if you don’t put a real picture up there. The same goes with your height, don’t say you are 6ft tall, and then I tower over you in two inch heels, I’m only 5’4”. Trust me, I notice things like this.

Since this is a numbers game, I’ve decided to go out with everyone who asks. This can be a little scary, I may wind up spending two hours of my life with a troll but what the hell. Nothing ventured nothing gained. Besides, in the past, those few I picked as worthy of spending my valuable time with did not turn out all that well. When it comes to choosing good men, I have no clue, so this time I’m not ruling anyone out.

So far, I’ve met two men that I’ve talked to on the phone and had plans to meet in person. The first guy, wasn’t crazy about his profile or his pictures, I’m not a tattoo fan, but I remembered that I was going to go out with everyone. Anyway, a couple sweet emails, a few nice phone conversations and we decide to meet for dinner, at a big mall downtown, so he can take the train, since his truck is a work truck and has lots of expensive tools on it. Ok, I love the train too, I didn’t see a problem.

Until he text me over and over, giving me the spiel about that tools and truck, ok, maybe he doesn’t have a truck, maybe he doesn’t even have a license, but it’s just dinner right?

So we work out the details. When, where, and he is going to text me with the time since his job is not 9-5, I said that was fine. Two hours later I get a text asking why I didn’t answer his last text about when and where. My response- What? So again he tells me about the truck, yadda, yadda, yadda. I tell him we’ve had this conversation before.

His response “ so I’m brain dead, I can’t even argue with that, but for shits and giggles can you tell me what we decided?

Seriously? We are talking a two hour time lapse. RUN!!!!!!!

Maybe I won’t date EVERYONE who asks me. This guy either is dating every woman under the sun and can’t keep us straight or he has a drug problem and can’t keep anything straight. Not my cup of tea..

Tonight I have a golf date. He seems very nice. Physically, not my usual type, but I’m dating everyone, remember. He can carry on a conversation, remember my name, seems to be fairly active and has not exhibited any stalker qualities. This one may be a keeper ladies! At the very least, I will spend two hours golfing and laughing, whether he laughs or not, because I am determined to enjoy these dates, if only to have lots of details to share with my blogging friends!

My garden rocks!

We are already eating out of the garden.

Tomatoes, cucumbers, peas!! Oh my!

I don't have a green thumb just bought lots and lots of steer manure.

Who knew cattle are our gardening friends!

Saturday, July 4, 2009

I love my garden

This morning as I'm waiting patiently for it to be time to go to my sister's and eat Maryland crabs, I was wandering around my yard, thinking about how truly blessed I am.

I love my family, as crazy as they are and as crazy as we make each other, I love them, they are the roses in my garden. I tend them with care, hope they will bloom and be happy where they are planted.

My daughter, she is the light of my life, the cute little faces on pansies make me think of when she was little and we watched some animated movie, I think it might have been a Troll in Central Park, where the flowers talked.

My friend Tree, she is the African Daisy in my garden, beautiful and different.

The rest of my friends are the daisies. They are solid and dependable, and I love them all.

When I was growing up my grandparents were such an important part of my life. I remember a little poem that my grandmother used to tell us.

I used to love my garden
But now my love is dead
For I found a bachelor’s button
In black-eyed Susan’s bed.

This is for you Nan and Pop, I love you and still miss you every day.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Bad boys, bad boys............

Relationships are hard. Nothing else to say, they are just hard. Attraction is a tricky thing. The older I get, the pickier I get. I know what I like and what I don’t, what I want in my life and what I don’t.

Since I’ve been divorced I’ve gone on plenty of dates. Some good, some not so good. And I’ve had a few “relationships” but nothing lasting. I have a thing for bad boys, I know that, and I’m trying to change it but can’t seem to get past the boredom factor with the nice guys.

Why do nice guys seem so lacking in personality? Is it because they are not always coming up with a story to try to scam you? I’ve met some really great guys, guys who would have made great husbands, but they are not the ones that intrigue me and I never date them for long.

The guys I date for longer than a few weeks are the ones who are addicted to something, have huge amounts of debt, that they are avoiding, don’t have or can’t hold a job, are not ready to commit, the list of bad traits goes on and on.

Realistically, I know that all of those things will make my life a living hell if I continue seeing these men. So why do I do it? Not only do I continue seeing them, sometimes I’m the one chasing them. Although, usually, they are the ones doing the chasing because as soon as I decide I don’t want their crap in my life, they decide they can’t live without me.

Isn’t it funny how as soon as you walk away from a relationship that is not meeting your needs, the chasing starts? I’ve known M for three and a half years, he is the biggest commitmentphobe in the world. It never fails, as soon as I tell him I don’t want to see him anymore he starts his campaign to get me back. Texting a hundred times a day, calling three or four times a day, wanting to see me every day, telling me when we are going to get engaged, when we are going to get married, etc. He even does this when he has another girlfriend! I have tried to be just his friend, we do have a good time together, hanging out with our mutual friends, bbqing, going to the hot tub, stuff like that, we are best friends in that we can talk about anything, and I love his children.

. He even gives me all the dirt on the current woman he’s dating, why he can’t continue to see her, she drinks too much, she’s a party girl, her house is filthy, her kids are out of control, they don’t have chemistry, she is looking for a sugar daddy, whatever this week’s excuse is so he doesn’t have to commit. All the while telling me he loves me more than he’s ever loved anyone, we have something special together, yadda, yadda, yaddda.

But as soon as I let my guard down and think, this time will be different, he is back to his old tricks. Not calling when he says he will, being late when we have plans, talking about how he is not ready for a serious relationship. Whatever!

I’m trying to let the bad boys go. I know love is out there, I just have to be open to it, and not jump on the bad boy train anymore. Nice men are the ones that are there for you, not bad boys. Nice guys are willing to put their heart in a relationship, I just have to be ready to receive that.

So, my new goal is to stop seeing someone as soon as I recognize their bad boy traits and to give the nice guys a chance. You never know what will happen once you get past the initial awkwardness and a nice guy is finally able to open up. I’m hoping to find out.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.