Wednesday, July 8, 2015

The age of change

  No, I'm not talking about menopause, not this time anyway. I'm talking about this time in my life when nothing seems to be what I need anymore.

  My job, my house, everything seems like a bad fit. So I'm changing it up. The same thing is happening to one of my friends who is just a few years younger than I am so I'm chalking it up to age.

  Is it because I'm still single? Is that causing the unsettled feeling? I still date occasionally but usually as soon as I do I am almost instantly reminded why dating is a bad idea.

  I'm busily looking for a job even though the thought of being stuck in a cubicle again makes me want to gag, I know I need an income. There are no rich relatives in my family tree.

  I want to sell my house, I want to ride my bike every day, I want to visit with friends, I want to write, I want to watch the sun rise and set, I want to listen to my grandson laugh. None of those things involve marketable skills.

  I'm trying to find ways to create an income without sacrificing my life to a cubicle again. I'm pretty determined so I have no doubt I'll succeed, the question isn't if, it's when. How long will it take to replace my income.

   I'll have to work for a while, I don't like it but it's the reality. The mortgage company doesn't want to hear that I just don't feel like working anymore.

  Being off for the last month has reminded me how much I've been missing. I don't want to wait until I'm 65 or 70 and can retire to really live my life. I want to live it now, while I can enjoy it. Before that aches and pains and worries that I'm sure are coming have taken over.

  I'm not sure what the point of this post was but once again, it was in my head so here you go!


Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Living a life of leisure

 I may have mentioned that I quit my job. That was over a month ago so it's time to get serious about finding a new one. I've been looking, have even gone on a few interviews but so far, the one I want hasn't called and the one that has made an offer was way too low.

 I have two more interviews scheduled for this week so I'm sure something will turn up. In the meantime I'm trying to find my passion. Me and everyone else I think!

  I have a few books that I've been working on for years so I want to finish at least one of those and I'm working on making this blog into a book. I think it will be funny, we shall see!

  My biggest problem is procrastination. I thought that once I was home all day I would get so much done. I was going to be super productive!

  Then I remembered that home or in the office, I'm still me, so most days I do a whole lotta nothing! Like today. I had a job interview at 10:30 and then I went to Savers, and walked around for two hours!

  I did clean the basement so that's something. Of course, cleaning my basement won't pay the bills but it does give me a nice, organized space for sewing something,

  Just as soon as I get the motivation. In the meantime, I should weed the vegetable garden.

Monday, July 6, 2015

Just a good ole boy

   I have been seriously neglecting my blog. I'm sure all two of my followers are soooo disappointed. As usual, I have much to say but it just won't come out in any way that makes sense!

  So today I thought I would introduce you to the man in my life. I think he is pretty spectacular, he has the best smile and a beautiful head of hair. He's so pretty, he could be a girl, but he's not.

  His Momma picked the most beautiful name for him but to respect their privacy I'm just going to use his family name, Bubba. Seems that all the boys in our family are Bubba's. Not sure how that happened out here in sunny Utah!

  So here he is! This beautiful boy turned one in April and oh the joy he has brought into my life. My two favorite people on the planet in this one picture! Mo and Bubba, seems fitting!

Hailey used the same studio for Bubba's newborn and one year pictures. I love that they used the same chair.

And that pose with the crown? That's just a small taste of the craziness that is this boy! He definitely is a ball of energy and never stops moving. Completely different from his Momma as a baby... of course she was way too chubby to move very fast back then!

 Expect to see more of that face. Also, just to make having a grandson even better, my best friends grandson was born just six weeks after mine and they attend daycare together so we are grooming them to be crazy best friends, just like their grandmas!

Friday, June 12, 2015

I can't believe she said that!

 My baby sister married a cowboy. They make the cutest couple but anyone who knows my sister, knows she is not a farm girl. Well, she wasn't until now anyway.

  Just to let you know who my sister is here are five fun facts about the baby girl in our family.

1.  My sister has over 50 pairs of shoes.

2.  At 40+ ( I'm not giving her actual age, I'd like her to still like me) she still fits in her jeans from high school.

3. Her biggest fears are tumbleweeds and praying mantis' ( or it is manti?)

4.  When we go camping we call her Barbie, she brings all her makeup and a blow drier.

5.   My sister would never eat food from a food cart.

    Ok, so know you know a little about Angie. Yesterday she called me and said something to me I never thought I would hear.
    Angie and her husband have a little farm, pigs and chickens mostly, and lately all their momma pigs have been having babies like crazy. When their first momma pig ( Loretta )died while having babies my sister swore she wanted nothing more to do with the farm. This was about six or so months ago.

   You can imagine my surprise when she called to tell me about the momma that couldn't get the piglet out so she went to help because she has the smallest hands. Wait....what?

   That's when she said it  "Sister, I was elbow deep in a pigs vagina."

   There are no words, and every time I think of her saying that I start laughing, even in the middle of the grocery store.

    I love my sisters, they definitely keep things interesting!

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Today is all we have

   I recently quit my job. Go me! Probably not the smartest thing I've ever done but I did it. I worked for the same company for almost 9 years, in dog years I should be retired. I loved my job for a long time and then I realized one day that I didn't anymore.

  I still went in everyday, did my job, like always, but something was missing. Passion, drive, fire, whatever you want to call it, was gone.

  I tried to get it back but the reality is, once it's gone, it's time to move on. I had a boss once who told me there are two kinds of people who quit jobs, those who quit and leave, and those who quit and stay. I didn't want to be a staying quitter.

  Now I've known myself for a long time and one thing I know is that I like security. Why would I leave a perfectly good job for another one that might not be as good? I talked about leaving for over a year, I searched for jobs, even went on a few interviews but always found a reason to stay.

  The reason was security. So what if I'm not passionate about this anymore, the bills are being paid so keep on keeping on, don't rock the boat, sit down and shut up. So I quit my job.

  I knew in order to make a change I would have to force my hand. Now I have to find another job, I have to start over somewhere new, and maybe it won't work out, but  maybe it will.

   After I gave my notice one of my coworkers was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She was 32. One of the last conversations I had with her she apologized for missing so much work. Her cancer was diagnosed on May 13th, she had surgery to remove a mass on May 18th, she was sent home on hospice on May 26th and passed away on June 2nd.

   At work we talked about what we could do for her and her family. As much as I wanted the opportunity to see her one last time, I didn't go. I thought, if I knew death was coming I would not want to spend one second with anyone but those I love.

   You know what? Death is coming. Maybe not as quickly as it did for my friend but we still have a finite number of days. I don't want to give those away.

   I will find another job, and I'll be good at it but because of my sweet friend I will remember what is really important. I will spend time with the people I love, do things that bring me joy, give to everyone I possibly can, and truly be present in my life.

   I hope that April's death reminds everyone that all we have is today, so make it everything you can.

Monday, June 8, 2015

Well hello stranger

I realize that I have not written here in FOREVER and  that you may not love me anymore but I'm going to write anyway.

I've made some huge changes in my life and I need to share them. I've actually been living instead of just existing. I don't currently have a job but I'm not letting that stop me.

I've been spending my time with the people I love, doing things that I love and it feels wonderful.

I'm off to a funeral for a lovely woman who was taken much too soon. I'll write more tomorrow, in the meantime, here is a picture of my lovely world.''

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Online dating, or how much do I hate myself

 In my quest to find what is missing in my life, I've decided to try online dating again. First I have to say, I hate it so that probably colors my perception of it. Online dating is only slightly less irritating than a bikini wax and almost as embarrassing as a pelvic exam.

  I hate dating people I don't know. Oxymoron I know, you have to date people you don't know because  the people you know are either married already or too weird to date. So how do you meet people? Why a dating website of course.

   So I signed up for a dating website. I put together a somewhat amusing profile, posted some pictures from this century and waited.

   I didn't have to wait long, apparently these people are even more desperate than I am. I always respond to everyone who takes the time to email me, it's the polite thing to do, but some people make me question why I respond.

   I like to think I am a fairly articulate person, at the very least I like to talk so my responses are rarely one word. Below is an actual conversation I had on this website. I should have known when I saw his user name was Sultryknight but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

    Sultryknight: Wow
    Me: Thanks, I think. So tell me about your unusual hobbies. ( his profile said he has lots of hobbies, several of them unusual and he invites you to ask about them)
    Sultryknight: I study languages.
    Me: That is pretty unusual. How did you get interested in languages? Do you study one language or multiple ones? Which languages do you study and can you speak them all or do you just study the composition?
    Sultryknight: 7 languages
     Me: (I'm getting a little frustrated, I expected more give and take from a man who studies languages) You are a man of few words.
    Sultyknight: Breathless from your pics
    Me: And possibly full of shit
    Sultyknight: not at all
I deleted him after that. I tried to correspond with him but that really wasn't my idea of a conversation.

Then a gentleman contacted me and his user name was wordnerd- as a book worm and lover of conversation I was again excited at the prospect of having a conversation with someone. I was once again disappointed.

 His side of the conversation looked like this:
  Doin good!!!!
  Just left the gym!!!!!
  Nite nite!!!!!!!
 Busy, busy day!!!!!!

  I don't think I've used that many exclamation points in a year. Why would you chose wordnerd as your user name if you are not a nerdy user of words?

   I'm really disappointed. I know it's hard to express who you are in an online profile but I also think if it's important to you then you will make an effort.

   If you are over 50 years old  and really want to meet someone please don't list your interests as "chillaxing."

   The optimist in me says keep plugging along, you never know when you will meet that special someone. The bitch in me says, the hell with this, I don't want to be anyone's QWEEN.